


Running Away

by jackandsamforever



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackandsamforever/pseuds/jackandsamforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey everyone. So nabokovsshadows on tumblr asked for someone to write her prompt. I volunteered a while ago and am now just getting a chance to write it. I foresee this going a few chapters. This is set in the future after the Tom fiasco is finished with.</p><p>Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Blacklist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nabokovsshadows](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nabokovsshadows).



It had been one time. Just once. One hurried, passionate consummation of their feelings for each other that had been building for months. The little touches. The gentle brushing of lips as they left each other at the end of the night. The skirting around saying what was actually beginning to happen between them. They'd been dancing around each other for months and it had led to this. It should have been a wonderful thing, but it ended being one of their biggest mistakes.

As soon as they'd both come down from their high, she had turned around with a content smile on her face only to see an expression on his face that she could only interpret as regret. Her face fell, and she quickly slid out of his bed and dressed quickly without a word. He let her walk out the door without saying anything. Let her think that it had all been a huge mistake. Let her think that she was just another notch on his bedpost. A conquest.

That had been over a month ago. Things were still somewhat strained between them, but they had mutually agreed by their avoidance of the subject to just move on and pretend it didn't happen.

She originally ignored all the signs. She wrote off the tiredness to working long hours. She attributed the cramping to it being her time of the month (Never mind that didn't ever see any sign of her period). The nausea was just because she wasn't eating breakfast. She threw up a few times because she had the flu. At least..that's what she rationalized to herself. Being pregnant was just something that she refused to consider. Especially Red's baby. He was a criminal. A dangerous one that had a running price on his head. How could she ever have a baby with him?

So she ignored the signs and forced herself to distance herself from him.

OOOOOO

Two months after that fateful day, she could no longer pretend that her body wasn't changing. That she wasn't craving weird foods. That her period wasn't over thirty days late. That she wasn't sick in the mornings. That certain smells didn't make her gag.

So she bought a test. And it came out positive.

 _Positive_. She sat on the lid of the toilet and stared at the stick for what seemed like hours. Her mind was reeling. Having sex with Red had been a huge mistake (no matter the feelings she had and still has for him). The Gods must be mocking her. One time. _Once_. Now she had to deal with the consequences of their mistake for the rest of her life. Abortion was not an option. Sam had raised her with the belief that a life began with the first heartbeat.

She began to formulate a plan in her mind. Since she couldn't stay with Red and work with him at the FBI (Because he surely would notice if she continued to grow outward), and since he obviously didn't want anything to do with her, she had to be the one to leave. She was going to quit the FBI and run. _Run_. She didn't know what else to do. She didn't want her baby raised by someone whom could die at any moment because he pissed off the wrong person. That wasn't the life for her.

She stood up and walked out of the bathroom feeling immensely better. She finally had a plan. A direction. She was no longer drifting along and alone. She had a future. And so did her baby.

OOOOOO

She sat and wrote out a resignation letter; citing personal reasons for quitting. She packed all her clothes, and the belongings she cared about, then loaded her car. She bought plane tickets under a pseudo name that Sam had given her. If the FBI ever found out about her fake passports she would be thrown in jail. She had two other aliases to use over the coming years in case he ever caught on to her trail. She had money stashed away that was untraceable. He would never find her.

She was glad that Sam had had the foresight to help her. Had insisted on the identities and cash. Hadn't taken no for an answer when she had refused them. Had sent her everything one night by private courier with a note begging her to "Please take them and use them if you have to." She'd put them in a false cupboard in her closet and had let them sit there for years. Now they were her ticket out.

She sat in her car for a long while; trying to work up the courage to leave everything behind. Her job. Her house. _Him_. Because as much as she kept telling herself she wouldn't miss him, she would. Desperately. She loved him, but she loved her unborn child more.

It would take them a day or two to discover that she'd gone. She had left her resignation letter on the counter, along with the keys to her house with instructions to sell it. Red was out of the city conducting his own business for another week. He wouldn't discover her disappearance until she was long gone. She felt little peace of mind at that thought though, and pushed away the niggling guilt at the back of her mind for leaving without telling him why; he would get over it eventually. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

She didn't believe it.

She finally forced her fingers to turn the keys in the ignition, then cranked up the radio as loud as she could tolerate, and drove away from her old life and towards her new one. When she reached the airport, they didn't give her passport a second glance. They didn't question her. They didn't search her. She was just another face in the crowd. She found that she liked that.

OOOOOO

The plane ride had been hell. Literally. She felt a faint pressure at the back of her throat in the beginning, but as she moved further and further away from her home, from Him, that pressure grew. She could hardly swallow. She could hardly breathe. She wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like. She quietly unbuckled her seatbelt and moved down the narrow aisles quickly. People glanced at her, but no one looked at her for more than a moment. They didn't care about her. That was ok with her. It really was. She needed to learn to be dependent only on herself. She didn't have anyone else anymore.

She moved into the small, cramped bathroom and splashed her face with cool water from the small sink. It didn't relieve the pressure threatening to burst out of her. She backed up against the wall and slid down, then sat with her knees up and her face in-between them. She took a few deep breaths, but the pressure grew and grew until she couldn't hold it back anymore; then she just let go. She sobbed. She sobbed for her past, her present, and her future. She sobbed for the future that she wouldn't be able to share with Red. She sobbed because their baby wouldn't have its father raising it. She sobbed because of the unfairness of it all. She sobbed because she was in love with Raymond Reddington and she couldn't do anything about it.

After a long while, her tears slowed, then eventually stopped. She sat there with a hitch in her breath for another few minutes until she was startled by a knock on the door. "Ma'am. You've been in there for a long time. Are you ok?"

Liz quickly wiped her eyes, then cleared her throat. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," she said hoarsely.

"There are people waiting. Please don't take long."

Liz sighed and stood up slowly, then stretched her arms over her head. She looked at her reflection in the small mirror and grimaced. She looked like hell. She quickly pulled her hair up in a sloppy ponytail and splashed more cold water on her face. She wouldn't be able to hide the evidence of her crying, so she would walk out and avoid looking at anyone. And she did.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. The attendants brought her a blanket and pillow and she took it gladly. She fell into a dreamless sleep. Her crying had been cathartic after all.

OOOOOO

Her destination had been chosen with him in mind. Somewhere where he wouldn't think to look for her. Somewhere where she could hide. That's why she found herself in Santiago, Chile. This was only the first stop among many, but she would hole up for a week or so then move on. Her dark hair helped her blend into the crowd, so she didn't worry about concealing her identity. She had enough money to last a lifetime. She could play cat and mouse with him for as long as it took.

OOOOOO

The first week was uneventful. She lived in a decent hotel room. One of the best in Santiago. She found a doctor that was recommended by the the desk clerk at the hotel and had quickly made an appointment. That appointment was today, and she was nervous.

She walked inside the office and filled out the necessary paperwork, then waited on the edge of her seat to be called back. When she was led to the back room, she found herself rubbing her scar. She hadn't done that for months.

The doctor was nice and knew a good amount of English. He asked her her history, then did a comprehensive checkup. Then he pulled the ultrasound machine over and placed the wand over her still flat abdomen and found a heartbeat right away. He smiled, told her she was eleven weeks along and congratulated her; she found herself smiling back. Things were going to be ok. She could feel it.

As she walked back to her hotel, she suddenly realized that it had been over a week since she'd left. Two weeks since she'd last seen Him. He would know about her leaving by now. He was probably searching for her at this moment. She desperately wanted to run back to him, but she couldn't. Not now. Not ever.

OOOOOO

Red held her resignation letter tightly in his hand and clenched his jaw. He was furious. He stood in the middle of Cooper's office and stared the Director down. "Why wasn't I told about this earlier?"

Cooper leaned back in his chair behind his desk and rose his eyebrows. "If you recall Reddington, you refuse to speak to anyone but Agent Keen. We had no way of contacting you."

Red slammed the letter down on the desk and said in a low, deadly voice. "I don't give a damn, Harold. You could have tried harder. She could be anywhere by now. Son of a bitch." He turned on his heel and walked out of Cooper's office without another word.

Harold Cooper was convinced that if Raymond Reddington didn't need him in the future that he would have a bullet in his skull.

OOOOOO

Red slid into the back of his Mercedes and slammed the door behind him. He'd left Dembe standing in the Post Office. Told him not to follow.

Red was beyond livid. He couldn't think straight. He felt like screaming. Red Reddington didn't scream. He didn't get angry. He didn't lose control...but Raymond did. Raymond couldn't think straight. Raymond couldn't hold back the scream of anger. Raymond lost all of his control. The woman that he loved was in the wind and he had no idea where to find her, or why she had left. Why she would give up so easily...why she didn't tell him.

As if Dembe knew that he was done with his tantrum, he slid into the drivers seat and looked at Red through the rear-view mirror. "Where to, Raymond?"

Red ran a hand over his short hair and closed his eyes. He needed to go to her house. She had to have left something. Anything. "Agent Keen's house."

Dembe nodded and pulled out into traffic without another word. He knew Raymond was in a volatile mood. Knew he couldn't push him too far. Knew he had to keep his distance.

They pulled up in front of Liz's house within minutes. Red was out of the car before it had even stopped. He stalked up the stairs and used his key to go in before Dembe turned the engine off.

The FBI hadn't done a damn thing with the house yet. Everything was left as he remembered. It looked like she was just gone for the day..not for good. He walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. Went through drawers that were full and empty. Went through her bare closet. Went through her nightstand. There was nothing. Not one shred of evidence that would point him in the right direction.

He sat on her bed and pulled a pillow to his chest, then buried his face in it. It smelt like her. He felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but he wouldn't allow it. Their relationship had been strained the last couple of months. It was his fault, really. After they had made love, he'd allowed himself to think. He regretted entangling her into his dangerous life. Letting her go was in her best interest, so he had let her walk away. He realized his mistake soon after, but it had been too late to set things right by then. So he avoided bringing it up, and so did she. The last couple of months had been among the hardest of his life; and that was saying something.

He sat for another few moments then stood up. The only place he had yet to check was her bathroom. He didn't have hope that he would find anything.

He placed her pillow back where he'd found it, then walked towards her bathroom slowly. He felt like he was marching to his death. His execution. He might as well be if she was gone from his life for good.

He walked in and checked the countertop and medicine cabinet. Nothing. He pulled open one drawer. Nothing. He pulled open the top drawer and froze. There was a pregnancy test box..and it was open.

He picked it up and saw that one test was gone. Almost against his will, he set the box down and picked up the small trashcan next to the toilet. There was only one thing in it. He picked it up with his eyes closed, then opened them reluctantly. _Positive_. The air rushed from his lungs. He couldn't breathe. The only thought running through his head was that she'd left him because she was pregnant with his child. _His_.

How could she do that to him?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I made a small error in the number of weeks that Liz was pregnant. She was eleven weeks instead of nine at the end of chapter one. :)

Red sat down on an overstuffed armchair and ran a hand over his short hair tiredly. He was exhausted. Depressed. So very tired of looking for _her_ and coming up with nothing. Not a trace. Zero clues. Zero leads. She may as well not even exist.

He was in Berlin, Germany staying at a safe house that he'd set up years ago. It wasn't all that nice, but it served its purpose; which was to provide a safe place for him to sleep. It had been two months since he'd stormed out of Harold Cooper's office. Two months since he'd last been in the States. Two months and two weeks since he'd last seen _her_. He missed her. Missed seeing her smile. Her glare. Missed brushing his fingers over her lower back as she walked by him. Missed teasing her. Missed how she smelled.

He was broken. He'd let himself fall in love against his better judgment, and now his life was shattering around him. The proverbial floor around him was cracking, and one wrong step was going to send him into the depths of hell; he was halfway there already.

He felt like giving up. She didn't want to be with him. She obviously didn't love him. The _only_ thing that kept him going was the fact that she had left that used pregnancy test in her trashcan. She must have either consciously or unconsciously wanted to let him know why she had left. Why she couldn't stay. Why she couldn't bear to be in his presence anymore. It gave him a tiny bit of hope that she still wanted him to find her. Maybe he could still set things right.

He sat back in his chair and pulled a cigar from the box sitting on the table next to him, then lit it and stared out at the fading sunlight. He drew in the smoke of the cigar and savored its taste before releasing it into the quiet, empty room. He didn't enjoy smoking them as much as he used to; he didn't enjoy much of anything anymore, really.

The orange streaked sky outside the window reminded him of better times; of one time in particular. Before they'd had sex. Before he'd ruined their relationship before it had even had a chance to begin. Before she'd left him, pregnant with his child.

He and Liz had just returned from catching a particularly nasty blacklister. They were both exhausted and starving. Dembe had dropped them off at the curb, then Red had told him to leave; that he would call when he needed him back. After Dembe had driven away, he'd wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side. She didn't protest, and instead turned her body into his so she could wrap her arms around his waist. They'd stayed like that for a few more minutes, with her head buried in his neck, until she'd heard his stomach rumble. She had laughed and pulled away. He remembered the sky behind her had been streaked orange just as the sky he was looking at now was. Her wide smile and deep blue eyes had been highlighted by that beautiful sunset, and it had taken his breath away. He'd wanted nothing more than kiss her at that moment, but he hadn't, and now he regretted that more than _anything_. Well not more than anything, but it was added to the list of things he most regretted when it came to Elizabeth Keen.

And now he was sitting in an uncomfortable armchair, alone, with only his memories and regrets at the forefront of his mind. He'd sent Dembe away to check on a few leads, but Red didn't expect him to come back with anything concrete.

He set the cigar down on the ashtray next to him and picked up his glass of scotch. He'd been drinking too much lately, but it seemed like drinking was the only way to dull the pain; at least it helped him forget momentarily. He took a long drink, then hastily swiped at the tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes. He still hadn't cried, and he wasn't going to begin now. So he took another drink and begin to feel the slight buzz that signaled the beginning of a drunken stupor.

He leaned over and refilled his glass.

OOOOOO

Dembe walked out of his meeting in Spain with a small smile on his face. This was the first time that he'd felt a small twinge of optimism when it came to finding Liz. Raymond's contact had provided him with a CCTV still of Liz departing Spain only two weeks ago. This was the first lead they'd had since she'd left; Raymond would be relieved to know that she was still alive and healthy looking; at least judging by the picture. She wore a large coat, so he couldn't see her stomach, but she looked as beautiful as ever.

She had been a good friend to him; he missed her almost as much as Raymond.

OOOOOO

Liz stepped out of the indoor swimming pool and made her way to the women's locker room. She was nineteen weeks along and already feeling huge. She had decided to be proactive and begin an exercise routine that she could keep up well into the late stages of her pregnancy; it wouldn't do to gain too much weight. She had just swam over a mile and was exhausted; but she always felt better after a good workout. It helped her forget about _him_ for a moment. Helped her forget how desperately lonely she was. Let her concentrate on her body's pain, and not her heart's. Helped her to stop obsessing about being found.

She had been careful the last couple of months. Making sure to avert her face from where she knew cameras where. Keeping her head down in public. Paying with cash as much as possible. Never using the same alias for more than a couple of weeks; she'd purchased several more from a blackmarket dealer, so now she had many to choose from.

She was in Berlin, Germany at the moment. She felt comfortable here. The people were nice, and the city was big enough that it would be almost impossible to find her in the sheer number of people that populated the city. She didn't know the language well, but was beginning to pick up some of the basics. She had been here for two weeks, and found that she didn't want to leave anytime soon. She risked being found, but that was a risk she was willing to take; her body couldn't take being on the run much longer. It was too stressful on her and the baby.

The same front desk clerk, Thomas, had been working every time she came to swim. He looked to be around her age, with wavy dark brown hair and blue eyes and an athletic build. He was tall and had nice, broad shoulders. _Like Red's_ , her thoughts betrayed her before she promptly pushed them back. Thomas was extremely nice to her, too. She felt drawn to him, and knew it was because she was so lonely.

When she began to walk past him to head back to the apartment she was renting, he stopped her with a small wave of his arm and a big smile on his face; she liked his smile. "Hey Melinda! How are you today? He spoke in broken English, but she still understood him just fine. She had mentioned in passing that she was American, and he had tried to speak to her in English ever since; it was very sweet of him. He knew she was pregnant, but didn't know anything else about her; she wasn't inclined to share either.

She turned to face him and smiled. "Hey Thomas, I'm good. Tired, but feeling well. You?"

He kept his smile on his face as he nodded. "I am good. Always working. Work, work, work."

Liz decided to tease him a little. "What do you mean working? I don't ever see you do anything but sit on your stool and talk with the girls."

He laughed and shook his head. "No girls. Just one girl. You." He was flirting with her, and for once she didn't feel uncomfortable because of it.

"Well I guess I should feel honored then." She liked talking to someone who seemed to have her best interests at heart. Who seemed like he cared. Like he _wanted_ to talk to her and get to know her better. She craved companionship desperately, and wondered if it was her hormones talking or her heart.

He nodded. "Um..I was wondering. You go out to lunch with me?"

She froze. She didn't know if she was ready to move on from _him_. She still missed him so much; and he consumed her thoughts almost all the time. Maybe moving on was just the thing she needed to do to help forget about him, or at least lessen the pain.

Liz took a deep breath and made eye contact with a smile. "I would love to, Thomas."

"Great. I pick you up at your apartment at two? There is a place that I love that I think you would like too."

She bit her lip nervously and nodded. "Sounds perfect, but how about I meet you there instead." She didn't know who she could trust. She definitely wasn't going to give her address out freely. Even to Thomas.

He nodded as if he understood her dilemma and quickly wrote the address of the restaurant down on a piece of paper and handed it to her. She took it from him with a smile, then said her goodbyes and walked out into the cool October air.

She felt optimistic for the first time since she'd left.

OOOOOO

Dembe stepped in the safe house to find Raymond passed out in the armchair facing the window. He heaved a quiet sigh of annoyance and walked over to him with the picture of Liz in his hand. "Raymond!" He said loudly.

Red opened his eyes slowly and blinked at the bright light coming from the window. He'd fallen asleep in the chair again. Dammit.

He groaned and ran his hands over his face. He had a hell of a hangover. "What time is it?"

"It's nearly one in the afternoon. I have something for you." He stepped closer and handed the picture to Red. Red took it and squinted at it; he was so damn blind. He picked up his black square-rimmed glasses from the table next to him and slid them on, then looked at the picture and sucked in a breath. It was _her_ ; and she looked absolutely stunning. A whole range of emotions stirred through him; the most prominent one being love. He loved her so damn much; and this picture only served to remind him of that. "How long ago was this taken?"

"It was taken in Spain two weeks ago. We are getting closer to finding her."

Red smiled his first genuine smile in weeks.

OOOOO

Liz smoothed the 3/4 sleeved midnight blue maternity dress over her slightly protruding belly as she walked down Mariendorfer Damm towards the restaurant Thomas had given her the address to. She was nervous. More than nervous. Terrified actually. It also didn't help that she felt like she was betraying _him_.

She had found the dress she was wearing in Spain, and had fallen in love with it immediately. It was casual, but not too casual. It also showed off her legs, without being too revealing. It was perfect.

A few minutes later she stopped in front of _Il Falco_ and looked around for Thomas. He didn't seem to be here yet. She leaned against the building and watched as three different couples walked past her; seemingly lost in each other. She felt a pang of jealously that she couldn't seem to reign in.

"Melinda..hi!" Liz jumped a little, then smiled as Thomas stepped in front of her. He was dressed in black slacks and a red button down dress shirt sans the tie. She immediately tamped down the urge to compare Thomas' wardrobe to _his_. "Hey Thomas. Glad you finally showed up," she said sarcastically.

He grinned and bit his lip adorably. "You just a fast walker. I guess I'm slow." He pulled open the door to the restaurant and gestured with his arm for her to precede him inside.

She couldn't seem to wipe the smile off of her face.

OOOOOO

Red groaned as he stood up from the armchair, then stretched his arms over his head. "I'm going to go shower, then I want to go eat. There's a sushi place down on Mariendorfer Damm that I've been dying to try." Dembe nodded and watched as Red walked to his bedroom. If Raymond wanted to eat sushi, then he would eat sushi.

Twenty minutes later found them driving towards _Lucky Sushi_ in companionable silence. Dembe parked in front of the tiny restaurant and looked at Red skeptically. Red grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "Live a little, Dembe. We're here to enjoy ourselves. Especially since we finally have proof that Lizzie is ok."

Dembe nodded and slid out of the car and watched as Red did the same. Red slid his sunglasses on and glanced across the street, then did a double take and squinted his eyes as he spotted a familiar looking figure. A woman dressed in a dark blue dress was leaning against a building seemingly lost in thought. He watched as a man dressed in red approached her, then led her into the restaurant with a hand on her back. Red was too far away to see much detail, and he certainly couldn't tell if the woman was pregnant or not; he needed more information before approaching her.

His heart began to pound at the thought of possibly being so close to her; it was killing him not knowing if it really was her.

"Raymond. What are you looking at?" Dembe had joined him on the other side of the car and was searching for whatever Red had been staring at.

Red forced a smile on his face and shook his head. "Nothing. Just my imagination running wild. Let's go eat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to FrostyFingers. She helped me out with all my questions about Germany. Thanks for being patient with me girl, you rock! Go read her fics if you haven't yet.
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this chapter. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edit: The particular street they are on is very wide and has parking in the middle. It's not the typical street that we see in America. Just needed to clarify that. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Liz surreptitiously rubbed her scar nervously as they followed behind the host who was showing them to their table. She was having second thoughts about all of this. What the hell was she thinking? She was on the run. She was pregnant with another man's child. She had baggage that was a mile long. Hell, Thomas didn't even know her real name.

She was startled from her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. "Melinda?" They were both waiting for her to sit.

She smiled and mumbled an apology, then let Thomas pull her chair out for her and sat down self-consciously. As she waited for him to sit down across from her, she glanced around the restaurant. It was rustic, but she found that it had a homey feeling to it. She wouldn't mind coming back again if the food was good. The waiter interrupted her thoughts as he asked them something in German. Liz furrowed her eyebrows and looked to Thomas for translation. "He is asking what you want to drink."

"Oh..um, water's fine." Thomas looked at the waiter and spoke quickly to him; he nodded and walked away. Thomas smiled at her and pointed to the menu in front of her. "This is an Italian place. Do you know what you might want to eat?"

Liz pursed her lips, then straightened them out when that made her think of _him_. She'd been having horrible heart burn the last few weeks, and it seemed to be triggered by anything that had high acidity; like tomatoes and orange juice. "I guess a pizza? But with really light sauce." She rubbed her belly absentmindedly. "The baby doesn't seem to like anything with tomatoes in it."

He half stood up. "I am sorry, Melinda. If I had known that, I would not have brought you here. We can go somewhere else?" He looked crestfallen, and Liz found herself wanting to remove that look off of his face.

She held up her hand. "Thomas sit down, it's fine. I promise I'll be ok." She smiled, and he relaxed and sat back down in his chair. They talked idly for a few more minutes until the waiter returned with their drinks, then Thomas ordered for the both of them.

"So Thomas, tell me about yourself." He took a drink of his own water, then began to tell her anything and everything about himself. He talked with his hands, which she found incredibly endearing, but once again found that it reminded her of _him_. She found herself tuning Thomas out as her thoughts drifted. Was she ever going to be able to go a minute of her life without associating everything with Red? Why did _everything_ have to remind her of him. It made forgetting him incredibly hard, and she had found herself more than once searching for a plane ticket to return back to the States. She had to do something about it, and Thomas seemed like someone she could possibly have a future with. He was a college graduate, but was a little down on his luck, so that's why he was working at the swimming pool. He was her age, and they had a lot in common.

In other words, he was perfect for her.

"Melinda?" Once again she found herself apologizing for not paying attention.

"Sorry, Thomas. I'm really tired. What did you say?" He nodded and reached over to touch her hand momentarily, then pulled it back and smiled. "I understand. I just say will you tell me about yourself?"

She quickly reminded herself of her back story, then told him as much as she could. The waiter brought their food during the middle of her story, but she continued to talk as they ate. He listened with rapt attention. Nodding his head and laughing where appropriate. She found herself leaning towards him as she spoke, and she realized something. She liked him. A lot. Maybe, just maybe things were going to work out after all.

OOOOOO

Red glanced out of _Lucky Sushi's_ window for about the twentieth time since they'd arrived. "Raymond, what are you looking at?"

Red sighed and picked up a piece of sushi, then put it back down when he realized that he'd lost his appetite. "I think I saw her," he said bluntly. Dembe would find out eventually anyway.

Dembe coughed once, then quickly swallowed his mouthful. "Who? Liz? Where?"

Red nodded and played with the straw in his cup, then tilted his head towards the window. "Across the street, there was a woman leaning against the side of the building. She looked like Liz, but she was too far away. A tall man wearing a red dress shirt greeted her soon after and they went inside." He sighed and took his sunglasses off. "Dammit, I don't know if it was her though. Maybe I want it to be her so badly that my mind is playing tricks. That's why I didn't make a big deal out of it."

Dembe stood up abruptly and walked out of the restaurant without another word. Red pursed his lips and watched as the man crossed the road. He sighed and threw some cash on the table, then picked up his fedora and sunglasses and followed Dembe outside. He didn't cross the street though, and instead leaned against the car and watched his bodyguard scope out the place. Dembe sat down on a bench just far enough away from the entrance of the restaurant so that people coming out wouldn't be able to see him, then made himself comfortable.

Red slid into the driver's seat of his car and made himself comfortable as well; they might be there for a while.

OOOOOO

Liz and Thomas sat for another hour talking. They had a lot to talk about, and there were never any awkward silences between them. The food had been good, but the company even better. It felt like they had known each other for years, not for a couple of weeks.

Thomas glanced at his watch and grimaced. "I am sorry, Melinda, but I have to go to my other job in an hour." He also worked for his father's plumbing business. He'd told her he didn't mind it, but it didn't sound appealing to her at all.

She reached over and put her hand on his. "Don't worry about it, we can do this again sometime soon."

He smiled and turned his hand around to take hers in his. She squeezed it once, then pulled it away and stood up slowly and reached her hands around to massage her lower back as Thomas stood up and walked around the table to her. He held out his elbow for her to take, and she found herself sliding her hand in the crook of his elbow without hesitation.

They walked out of the restaurant and stopped on the sidewalk in front of the small building. He turned to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Thank you for eating with me. I had good time."

She smiled and nodded. "Thank you for asking, and I had a good time too."

They stood there smiling at each other for a few more moments, then he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. He didn't pressure her for more, and pulled away seconds later. She felt a small flutter in her stomach; she hadn't had that feeling since she'd last seen Red.

He ran his hands down her arms softly, then took a step back and said with concern, "Are you sure you ok to walk home? You won't let me walk you home?"

She shook her head. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me."

He sighed and took another step back. "Ok, if you're sure. Will you text me and let me know you make it home safely?"

She nodded, "Yes, of course." She made a shooing motion with her hands. "Now go. You don't want to be late."

He grinned widely and waved, then turned and walked the opposite direction of her apartment.

She took a deep breath and let the smile fall from her face. As much fun as she had with him, and as much as she was attracted to him, he still came up short when compared to Red. She hated herself for thinking that, but she couldn't lie to herself. When he kissed her, memories of her and Red kissing came to the front of her mind and she couldn't push them away. Found herself not actually wanting to forget those few precious moments between them. She wasn't being fair to Thomas, but maybe with time she could learn to love him as she did Red.

She didn't believe that for a moment, even in her own head.

OOOOOO

Red watched as the couple walked out of the restaurant an hour later. He was bored and tired, and found that his patience was at the end of its rope. He leaned forward in the seat and watched as the man put his hands on her shoulders, then lean down to kiss her moments later. He felt a surge of jealousy in his gut, even though he didn't know for sure that it was Liz. The man pulled away, then eventually walked off in the opposite direction.

Red snorted to himself. The man didn't walk her home. What kind of gentleman was he?

The woman stood there for a moment, then turned the opposite way and began walking down the crowded sidewalk. Red watched Dembe stand up and cross the street back to the car. He slid in the passenger side with an unreadable expression on his face. "Well?"

Dembe shifted and scrunched his face before turning to look at Red. "It is her."

Red closed his eyes. His mind was reeling. That proverbial cracked floor beneath him was beginning to fall away piece by piece. He felt like he'd been sucker punched, and wished Dembe would have done that instead; that would have been preferable. Liz. His Lizzie was not only on the run, but was trying to move on from him. While pregnant with _his_ child. He slammed his fists into the steering wheel as hard as he could. "Dammit!"

Dembe placed a hand on his shoulder, probably more to prevent him from hurting himself further, than for comfort. "What are you going to do, Raymond?"

Red dropped his fists from the steering wheel. "I'm going to follow her home and have a nice little chat with her."

Dembe shook his head. "Are you sure that's the best course of action?"

Red looked at him sharply. "What the hell would you have me do, Dembe? Let her fall in love and have another man raise MY child? No. There's no way in hell that's going to happen."

"I am not saying you should let her do that, but I do not think we should confront her as she's returning home. We need to find out where she lives first, then when she leaves, we can break in and talk to her her when she returns. You do not want to scare her too badly."

Red's eyes softened. "No of course not, Dembe." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We'll do it your way." He turned the car on and pulled out into traffic; he spotted Liz right away and knew he had to be careful following her. She couldn't see him yet.

OOOOOO

Liz glanced over her shoulder again for the fifth time in as many minutes. She felt like something was off, but she didn't see anything suspicious, and attributed her paranoia to her hormones. She had a doctor's appointment to find out the sex of the baby in thirty minutes and needed to hurry home; she hadn't planned on spending so much time with Thomas.

She reached her apartment without incident and quickly changed her clothes, then pulled her hair into a ponytail. Five minutes later she was out the door and walking towards the bus stop.

She'd been to this doctor once and liked her ok. She didn't ask questions about why she was alone, and she appreciated that.

The bus ride was uncomfortable. There were so many people stuffed inside that she felt like she was going to be suffocated, or at least sat on. She'd always had a fear of enclosed spaces, stemming from some childhood trauma that she couldn't remember. A thin sheen of sweat broke out over her forehead and she prayed that the bus ride wouldn't be too much longer.

OOOOOO

Red watched Liz walk inside a door of a two-story apartment. They were in an older part of town, but the apartment was well-kept and the streets were clean. He was glad she'd been able to find somewhere decent to stay.

Five minutes later they watched as she walked back outside and made her way towards what he presumed to be a bus stop; he wished that he could offer her a ride, but he was pretty sure she'd decline.

He smirked at the thought, then parked the car and turned to Dembe. "I think I should go in alone, Dembe."

Dembe shook his head. "I think I need to be there to protect you." He quirked his lips.

Red huffed a quiet laugh. "You're probably right, my friend. You can come for the beginning, but I'm going to need you to leave when we talk."

Dembe nodded. "Of course."

They both stepped out of the car at the same time and made their way over to her apartment, then Red watched Dembe pull out the tools needed to break in.

OOOOOO

"It is a boy." The doctor smiled at her and pulled the wand away from her belly. "Congratulations."

Liz smiled in thanks..but her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She didn't know how she felt about having a boy. Everything about her little boy would remind her of _him_. She would be tempted to dress him smartly like his father. He would probably have his smile, his broad shoulders; would walk the same way, and have his eyes. The pain in her heart was so great at that moment that she wondered if she was having a heart attack.

"Melinda, are you ok?"

She opened her eyes to see the doctor looking down at her with concern. She nodded and wiped the tears out of her eyes. "I'm fine..just happy. Thank you Dr. Malsbenden."

She smiled kindly and patted her shoulder. "We will need to see you in six weeks. Call if you need anything."

She agreed, then watched her walk out of the room to attend to her other patients. She wiped her belly with some paper towels, then pulled her shirt down and sat on the edge of the table. She felt a little sick to her stomach, and knew it was partly because of the bus ride over, but the other part was because she'd been so _sure_ that she was having a girl; she knew having a boy would be painful.

She sighed quietly and opened the door, then made her way to the receptionist to make another appointment.

OOOOOO

Red fidgeted nervously as he sat in the corner of Liz's couch. They'd been sitting in her apartment for a couple of hours, and he wondered if she had gone back to that man who she'd been with earlier; he sincerely hoped not. Dembe sat quietly behind him on the piano bench. They hadn't spoken a word to each other for at least an hour.

Red was just about to stand up and find something to drink when he heard a key rattle in the door lock. She was here. He sat up and smoothed his tie down, then placed his fedora and sunglasses on the cushion next to him.

The door opened and sunlight spilled across the tan carpet, then disappeared just as quickly. The living room light switched on, and he looked up to see her standing there with her hand over her mouth staring at him; she hadn't made a sound.

He tried to smile. "Hello, Lizzie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the response to this fic. Thank you so much for all the reviews..I truly do appreciate them. I know this was kind of a filler chapter, and I apologize for that, but next chapter we'll finally see the confrontation. Special thanks to my friend FrostyFingers for all things German. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think. Have a great day. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Liz dropped her hand from her mouth and narrowed her eyebrows in anger. "What the hell are you doing here, Red?" Her heart was pounding and her palms were sweating. She didn't know how he had found her, but she'd slipped up somewhere and now he was here. In her house. Sitting on her couch looking like he belonged there.

He looked good. So damn good. She missed him so much, and hell did she want to just walk over to him and kiss him until he she couldn't breathe any longer. Red stood up and spread his hands out in surrender. "I didn't come to fight with you, Lizzie, but I think you know that you owe me an explanation." He gestured towards her pregnant belly with one of his hands.

She swallowed and looked away from him. "I don't owe you anything, Red."

He took a step towards her, but she backed away. "Don't...just don't. Please leave. I'm asking you to just leave me be. I've moved on, and I don't want to do this now, or ever."

Red clenched his jaw in anger, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. "Did you ever plan on telling me that you were pregnant with my child?" He said quietly, then sat down heavily on the couch and continued, "How could you have just walked away when you knew, _you knew_ , that I would want to be afforded the chance to raise the child?"

"A boy," she said so quietly that he hadn't been sure he heard right.

"Pardon?" He looked at her expectantly.

She stared at something over his shoulder as she said, "I'm having a boy."

Red turned around to see Dembe still sitting on the piano bench looking at Liz with an emotion he couldn't decipher on his face. "Dembe, I need to speak to Lizzie alone please."

Dembe nodded then stood up and walked out of the apartment, squeezing Liz's shoulder lightly on his way out; Red didn't miss how she flinched at the contact.

As soon as the door shut, Red stood up and walked towards her. She held up both hands and shook her head. "Red, please. Please don't make this harder than it already is." Tears were pooling in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away with her hand, but she didn't take her eyes off of him.

He only stood a few feet away from her, but it may as well have been a few miles. She didn't want to talk or work things out, that much was obvious; that hurt the most out of everything.

He tilted his head and studied her closely. She looked exhausted. She had lost weight despite her slightly protruding belly. He wondered how she slept, and wished he could be privy to that information. "A boy?" He tried not to show how much that pleased him. A boy to carry on his bloodline, that's what he had always secretly wanted.

She nodded slightly, but didn't say anything more. He took a step closer and was pleased that she didn't step back. That was progress. "Lizzie, I need some answers. I need to know why you left without telling me. That's the least you can do."

She sighed and looked him straight in the eye for the first time since she'd walked in her house. "You're right. I do. Sit down, please." She gestured with her hand at the couch behind him.

He turned and sat down in the middle of the couch, then waited to see if she would sit next to him. She chose to stand instead as she began to tell him why she left.

OOOOOO

Liz took a deep breath and began to pace in front of him. "After that night, I felt like we were in a bad place. I didn't feel like we could talk about it because I saw that damn regret in your face and it hurt. Badly." She paused and wiped a stray tear off of her cheek. The only reaction from him was a slight tic under his eye as she continued, "After a while we finally began to be a little more comfortable around each other and things were getting better. Then I noticed the subtle changes in my body, and realized that I was probably pregnant. I panicked."

She couldn't hold the tears back this time and gave up trying to wipe them away. The tic in his eye turned to furrowed brows as she carried on with her explanation. "All I could think about was that I don't want my child to be around your kind of lifestyle. It's incredibly dangerous, and it's not the kind of life I want for me or him. So I left. I felt like hurting you like you hurt me," she finally got herself under control and brought her shirt up to wipe the tears away from her face. Then she subconsciously rubbed her belly with one of her hands. He wondered if the baby was moving, and wished that he could put his hand there and find out. He had listened quietly to her explanation, making sure to let her explain herself without interruption. He understood where she was coming from, and honestly didn't have an argument against it. She was right. His lifestyle didn't afford him those kinds of luxuries. He understood that when he had set out to find out what happened to his family. He hadn't planned on falling in love and getting his love pregnant, but couldn't take anything back now, and wouldn't even if he had the chance.

She interrupted his thoughts with a cough of irritation; her eyes were puffy and red. "So you don't have anything to say to that? Why even come here then?"

He sat up and unbuttoned the buttons on his cuffs, then began to roll us his shirtsleeves as he began to speak. "Lizzie, everything you said is true. I don't have an argument against anything you said, but may I remind you that you already knew all that when you chose to sleep with me? You knew my lifestyle was and is dangerous." He stood up and approached her slowly. She stood her ground stubbornly.

He stopped when he was only a foot from her, then rose his eyebrows in question, waiting for her to answer him.

She swallowed visibly and lowered her eyes to stare at his tie. "Well I didn't expect to see the regret on your face ten seconds after we had the best sex of my life!" She hurled at him angrily, finally looking at him with steely eyes.

She saw his body sway slightly, but his calm expression didn't change. "Ah, so the truth finally comes out. Why didn't you just say that in the first place, sweetheart."

She slapped him. Hard.

"Don't call me that," she said through clenched teeth as she lowered her hand. He took two steps forward until they were inches apart, then grabbed her hand and pulled her into his chest.

She pulled away and retreated again until her back hit the far wall, effectively stopping her from moving further away. He approached her with measured steps, never losing his calm demeanor.

She knew she should be scared, but she wasn't. She knew he wouldn't hurt her; at least not physically.

"What do you want, Red?" She spat as he stopped just inches from her.

He pursed his lips and leaned close to her ear. "You. Just you." His warm breath sent shivers down her spine.

She sucked in a breath and finally put her hands on his chest to push him away from her gently, then shook her head. "No. I already told you why _we_ can't happen, and that's not even taking into account what happened after we had sex."

He sighed. "Lizzie, you're correct. I did regret it at first, only because I knew what kind of danger I was putting you in by entering into a relationship with you. I love you too much to mix you up with the despicable people I deal with on a daily basis, but yet I couldn't help myself; and look where we are now. I quickly realized my mistake, but you avoided being alone with me if at all possible, so I took that as a sign to back off. You didn't want to talk about it." He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, then waited for her to respond.

She stalked forward angrily and poked a finger in his chest. "Don't you dare blame this on me, Reddington." Her shoulders were heaving with anger.

He wrapped his hand around her entire hand and pulled her finger out of his chest. "I take partial blame, too, but you're the one that left. Don't ever forget that." Anger finally began to seep into his voice as he kept hold of her hand. She tried to pull it away, but he didn't allow her to.

"Let. Me. Go." She tried to pull away again, but in one swift motion he pulled her into a hug and trapped her hands between their bodies.

"I want to be part of our son's life, Lizzie. Are you going to deny me that?" He said quietly. She struggled against him for a moment, but finally gave up and leaned into his body. She didn't want to fight him anymore.

"I can't let you be near me, Red. I'm sorry," she spoke into the junction of his shoulder and neck; he could feel her warm breath against his skin.

"Lizzie..."

She shook her head against his neck. "No. The answer is no. I want you to leave now."

He nuzzled his nose in her hair and kissed the shell of her ear; she didn't resist. He wasn't sure he would ever be this close to her again, and that hurt. A lot. A few more pieces of the proverbial cracked floor fell away. There weren't many more left to stand on.

They stood there for a few more minutes until she pulled away from him completely and folded her arms across her chest. A defensive posture if he ever saw one. "Please, Red, don't make this harder than it already is." She sounded softer, as if she was second guessing her earlier declarations.

He turned and walked to the couch, then picked up his sunglasses and fedora from the couch and turned back to look at her. She hadn't moved, but she looked heartbroken instead of angry now. He wished he could make the pain go away, but she wouldn't welcome his comfort. "That man you went out with today..do you think you could love him eventually?"

She didn't even question how he knew about her date. She sighed. "I don't know, possibly. He's a good man, and seems to truly care about me."

He slipped his sunglasses on. "I do too, Lizzie. Don't ever forget that. I love you, and all I want to do is protect you and our son." He hesitated and began to fidget with his fedora. "I'm planning on remaining in Berlin for the foreseeable future. I want to see you again. Will you at least consider allowing me to?"

She opened her mouth to refuse right away, but the look on his face coupled with her guilt for leaving him without any explanation caused her to reconsider. She knew she had refused to be around him earlier, but the longer she was in his presence, the less resistant she was to the idea. She missed him, but she wanted to see where things went with Thomas, too. Her thoughts were just a jumbled mess of confusion. She didn't know what she wanted.

"Maybe, Red. Give it a few weeks, huh?"

He slipped his fedora on and tilted it down so his face was partially hidden, but she could still see her hand mark on his cheek, which made her cringe; she shouldn't have hit him. "That's all I can ask." He walked towards the door, but stopped and looked back at her once more. "Be careful, Lizzie. You need to take better care of yourself, you're too skinny."

She opened her mouth to argue with him, but just closed it and nodded instead. She knew it, she just hated to admit it to herself.

He nodded in satisfaction and tried to smile at her once more before walking out the door without another word.

As soon as the door shut, Liz's legs gave out and she found herself kneeling on the floor with tears running down her face. Things had been better than good only a few hours ago. And now? Now things were screwed up again. She should have just kicked Red out for good, but as much as she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. It just wasn't possible for her. She had tried many times over the last couple of years, oh lord had she tried, but she always ended up going back to him.

She had a feeling the same thing was eventually going to happen again.

OOOOOO

Red walked out the door with a small smile on his face. She hadn't told him to leave for good. She said that he could see her again. That was more than he could have asked for.

Things were definitely looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know more angst. Angst, angst, angst. I promise this fic will eventually have a happy ending, we just have to go through the sad stuff first. Thank you for the continued support for this fic, and I would love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading. :)
> 
> P.S. Special thanks to FrostyFingers once again..girl..you're a lifesaver. :)


	5. Chapter 5

The next two-almost three, weeks were hell for Liz. She kept expecting to see Red around the next corner, or standing in line at the little bakery she frequented for hot chocolate and pastries, or sitting on a bench watching her as she walked along the sidewalk; she never did though. She always found herself looking for him where ever she went. She couldn't seem to stop herself; she wondered if the mind games were Red's intentions all along, but he had seemed sincere, and she _had_ told him a few weeks. Maybe he was just honoring her wishes.

She had a feeling he was actually watching her, but from afar. She'd always had a acute awareness of him while they had worked together. She knew when he was in the room, and when he was near her. It was her "Redar" as she liked to call it privately in her head; and her Redar had been going crazy the past couple of weeks.

She was twenty-one..almost twenty-two weeks along now, and the baby was beginning to make himself known more and more. Sometimes she would lie awake in the middle of the night and put her hand on her belly and feel him move around restlessly. She always wished Red, not Thomas, was there with her, with his head on her belly and talking to their son as he rubbed soothing circles on her bare skin. It was a fantasy she often played out in her mind. She knew she shouldn't, it made things even more painful because that fantasy could never come to fruition

She still felt good, and chalked that up to exercising and eating well. She had odd cravings sometimes that would hit her randomly. They too were usually in the middle of the night, and she didn't have _him_ there to get them for her. So it was either get them herself, or ignore the craving; she always ignored it. She then would toss and turn the rest of the night. She found herself on more than one occasion reaching for her phone to call Red, but then she would remember that he hadn't given her his number. Next time she saw him she was going to get his number; his distance was slowly driving her insane. Since she'd last been in his arms for only a few moments, she wanted more. It was as if she was addicted to him; she had had that little taste, and now her addiction was back stronger than ever.

He was making it very difficult for her to stick to her guns in regards to their situation, and she hadn't even seen him for almost three weeks.

She was so screwed.

OOOOOO

Red hid his face behind a newspaper, then moved it down so that just his eyes were visible as he watched Liz walk into _Bäckerei Thürmann_ , then came out a few minutes later with a hot cup in one hand and a muffin in the other. She was dressed in black slacks and a purple overcoat, and her hair was up in a messy bun; Her coat was buttoned in a way that made her pregnant belly quite obvious to anyone that was looking. He couldn't help but smile and feel a little proud that _his_ child was growing inside of her; it also made him feel insanely protective of her, and even though it had been almost three weeks since he'd last talked to her, he still didn't feel like it was time to approach her. He knew she sensed he was near, judging by how she seemed to glance around all the time, but she had yet to spot him and he hoped to keep it that way.

He'd also watched as she had gone on three more dates with her other man. He hated thinking of him as "her man", but he didn't know his name; he would need to find out. Luckily it seemed like she had cooled off on him somewhat. He hadn't seen any other kisses or hugs; mostly just hand holding, and even that made him extremely jealous.

He sat far enough down the street that she didn't see him as she sat down gingerly on a bench outside the bakery and began to tear small pieces off of her muffin and put them in her mouth; he wondered if her lower back was bothering her, and wished he could rub the aches and pains away. She seemed distracted today..more on edge. She also seemed to be waiting for someone. He didn't know if he could stand to watch her cuddle up to her "other man" again; the last time he'd almost approached her as they'd walked down the street. Only Dembe's hand on his shoulder stopped him; it was both a good and bad thing that Dembe was off doing his own thing that morning.

He put his newspaper down and just watched her; losing all pretense that he was reading the paper. She kept staring off into the distance, and didn't seem to notice when a rather large, grizzled man sat down next to her on the bench. He turned to her and said something, but she didn't seem to hear; he wished he could hear what the man said. When Liz didn't react, he touched her shoulder and said something again. She startled, then looked over and couldn't mask the look of fear on her face. She moved over a little and said something, but the man just scooted closer and grabbed her free hand.

Red had seen enough. He was done with keeping his distance. He stood up quickly and crossed the street where he was. Luckily the traffic was light that morning, so he crossed it easily. He wasn't too far away from them when he saw her stand up and try to walk away. The man stood up with her and tried to slip an arm around her shoulders.

Red quickened his pace and finally reached her side and slid his arm around her waist protectively, nestling it right above her tailbone "Honey, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere." He kissed her cheek lingeringly, then looked up at the large man with questioning eyes; feigning ignorance. The man looked a little fearful, and glanced around nervously. He was obviously someone who targeted women he thought were alone.

Liz had yet to say anything, and only looked at him with something akin to surprise and a little shock in her eyes. "Is there a problem here, sweetheart?" He looked back at her and squeezed her hip softly so she would get the hint to speak up.

She cleared her throat and shook her head. "No, no problem," she said hoarsely.

Red chewed on the inside of his cheek and looked back at the man through his amber sunglasses. "If you'll excuse us then." The man nodded and almost ran the opposite direction. Red smirked, then looked at Liz. "What did he say to you?"

Her breathing seemed too fast for the situation, and he was a little worried about her; especially since she didn't answer. "Lizzie."

She blinked slowly and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm just surprised to see you is all. It's almost been three weeks." She tried to move away from him, but he dug his fingers in her hip so she couldn't.

"You told me a few weeks, so I gave you a few weeks. Now, what did that man say to you?"

She grabbed his fingers and pried them off her hip and took a step back. "It doesn't matter. Thank you for coming to my rescue though, I wasn't sure what to do besides run away, and he probably would have followed me."

"Yes, you seem to be good at doing that," he said bitterly, then winced soon after; he didn't regret saying it, because needed to hear it.

She visibly flinched and grimaced. "I guess I deserved that." She took another step back and glanced behind her. "Look, I need to go." She turned to walk away, but Red grabbed hold of her arm and turned her around gently.

"Can I come over sometime this week? I have some more things I'd like to discuss with you." She swallowed, and he could see her internal debate as if she was speaking out loud. She clearly didn't want to see any more of him, but yet she couldn't seem to help herself when she sighed and gave a small nod. "I need your phone number so I can text you when a good time will be. I don't want you to just show up out of the blue." She pulled her cell phone out and turned it on.

He tilted his head and studied her closer. "Why? So I won't run into your boyfriend? Is that what you're worried about?"

She just looked at him with raised brows. "What's your number?"

Red sighed and recited the number to her. As soon as she was done, she put her phone back in her pocket, then seemed to hesitate as if she was debating whether or not to say something.

"Out with it, Lizzie." He rubbed his face tiredly, careful to avoid smearing his sunglasses.

She reached out and touched his forearm; he could barely feel it through the layers he wore. "Thank you for helping me with that man." She tried to smile, then quickly turned around and walked away without another word or look in his direction.

He watched her go and tried to quell the urge to run after her and just make her see that he wanted to be with her. He was tired of watching her date another man when she knew he was in town, knew he wanted to make things right with her again, knew he wanted to raise their child together.

She wasn't making it easy on him. Patience had never been a particularly strong attribute of his.

OOOOOO

Liz hurried down the sidewalk, trying to hold the tears back until she reached her apartment. The last person she had expected to see was _him_. She hadn't been prepared for the feelings he evoked in her with just a small touch, and the kiss to her cheek; it had been all she could do not to throw herself in her arms and beg him to take her back. She put her hand on her cheek and could almost feel the warmth of his lips lingering there, or at least imagined that she could.

She'd been doing her best to forget, or mostly forget, about Red. She'd gone out on a few dates with Thomas and had a lot of fun. He was attentive and caring, and that's all she ever really wanted; but the man couldn't hold a candle to Raymond Reddington. She really needed to stop leading Thomas on, it wasn't fair to him. She knew he could sense something was holding her back, but he never asked, and she wasn't inclined to tell him that the man she was in love with was back and wanted to help raise their baby; and be together with her. Even if she never repaired her relationship with Red, Thomas didn't deserve what she was doing to him. She was damaged goods; emotionally and physically.

As she neared her apartment she made a decision. She was going to break things off with Thomas. She knew he wouldn't take it well, but it had to be done. She just couldn't continue to see him in good conscious while in love with another man.

She walked in her apartment and shed her coat and shoes, then walked in her bedroom and laid down on the bed; she was suddenly exhausted even though it was only noon. She had a date with Thomas later that night, and she needed to be well rested for what was to come. She had a feeling that fireworks were going to fly.

OOOOOO

Liz sat against the end of the couch and looked at Thomas nervously. He seemed to sense something was wrong because he wasn't his usual cheerful self. She took a drink of her water and winced when she could feel his eyes boring in to her. "Melinda. What is going on?"

She brought her cup down and set it on the coffee table, then looked at him with sad eyes. "I can't see you anymore, Thomas. I'm sorry."

His eyes widened in surprise and he leaned towards her. "Why? Was it something I did?"

She shook her head sadly and tried not to look in his hurt blue eyes. "No, Thomas. I have issues, and it's not fair for me to lead you on."

He sat back and sighed. "It is another man, is it not?" He was more perceptive than she gave him credit for. She felt worse than dirt at the moment.

"Look, Thomas. It's really complicated. The father of my baby.." she gestured to her stomach with her hand, "..is back in town and wants to help raise him. I can't send him away, and he won't leave anyway, so I'm stuck right now."

He moved over a cushion and took her hand in his. "I will wait for you, Melinda. I do not want to lose you." He looked so heartbroken that she had to look away.

"No, you need to move on, I'm not worth the trouble." She squeezed his hand, but he refused to look at her. She could see a glimmer of tears in his eyes

He abruptly stood up and looked down at her angrily. "Do not ever say that, you are worth it. This is not over, Melinda, I will fight for you, but I will leave you now. See you soon." He picked his coat up from the back of the couch and left her apartment with a slam of the door. She winced at the sound; the quietness of her apartment was deafening.

She sat there motionless for countless minutes until she suddenly picked up her phone from the coffee table and dialed his number without further thought. He picked up on the second ring. "Lizzie." He sounded distant and emotionless.

She tried to hold back the sob that threatened to break out and said in a cracked voice, "I need you, Red."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." He hung up without saying anything further, but it took Liz another minute before she could bring herself to drop the phone.

She felt worse than ever. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to reach out to Red like that. She didn't want to be with him like that. She was trying to cut him out of her life, but was doing a bad job of it. She shouldn't have called him, but couldn't help the flutter of anticipation of seeing him again.

He was her drug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting a little better between him. At least she called and told him that she needed him. Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/follows..I truly do appreciate them. Please let me know what you think! Have a great day. :)
> 
> Special thanks to FrostyFingers again for her help with everything German. You seriously make this fic so much better.


	6. Chapter 6

Exactly ten minutes later there was a quiet, but urgent knock on the door. She unfolded herself from the couch and struggled to her feet, then walked to the front door and opened it slowly. She didn't know what to expect, and she didn't know what she was trying to accomplish by inviting him to her house. She hadn't been thinking, but now that he was here she was at a loss as what to do next. Did she hug him? Did she let him touch her? Did she kiss him?

The door opened completely to reveal him dressed in grey sweat pants and a white t-shirt under his unzipped jacket. He didn't even have his customary hat on, which told her that he'd left wherever he lived as quickly as possible. He stepped forward, which prompted her to step away from the door so he could close it behind him. As soon as the door was shut and locked, he turned back to her with a inquisitive look on his face. He still hadn't said a word. She was loathe to break the silence.

She could feel her body leaning towards his. Could feel its need to wrap her arms around him and be comforted by him. Because as badly as she had treated him, she knew that he would accept her with open arms. He wasn't selfish like she was. Movement from him broke her out of her reverie, and she watched as he slid his coat off and hung it up on the hook by the door.

She swallowed nervously and took a step towards him. He put his hands up, "Lizzie..." His voice was devoid of any kind of emotion. It was as if he was trying to emotionally distance himself from her; which truth be told, he probably was. She couldn't blame him really, she'd done nothing but push him away every time he put his heart on his sleeve.

She took another step and said quietly, "Red...please..." then another step until she was inches from his hands. He sighed and opened his arms; a wordless invitation for her to move into them. Without hesitation she stepped into his body and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. He felt tense as she pulled herself as closely as she could (her stomach prevented her from moving as close as she wanted) and put her head on his shoulder. After a few tense moments, he finally relaxed and wrapped his arms around her back, moving his fingers up and down her spine softly. He smelt just like she remembered. A scent that was unique only to him, but one that she missed immensely; she just hadn't realized it until now. It calmed her racing heart. Calmed her nerves. Relaxed her very being. She felt at peace for the first time in the three months since she'd left him. Even their son wasn't moving around like he usually was at this time; he must have sensed how at peace she was at that moment.

They stood there quietly for countless minutes. She didn't cry, but her mind screamed at her to keep him close and never let go. How could something that felt this good be so wrong? After a few minutes she realized she had his shirt clenched tightly in her fingers and loosened her grip, but didn't pull away from him like she knew she should. She knew she shouldn't get his hopes up, or hers for that matter. Shouldn't allow herself to get her hopes up that this was going to be a normal thing. Shouldn't let herself fall even more deeply in love with him for being here for her, even after she'd abandoned him and pushed him away since.

She failed on all three accounts.

She must have been motionless for too long, because the baby began to move and actually managed a well placed kick right at the middle of her belly. Red jerked his head back from where it had been resting against hers and looked at her in surprise. She gave him a small smile and said quietly, "Seems he can sense his dad is nearby."

He smiled widely, something she hadn't seen in so long that she actually found herself tearing up. This hurt a lot more than she expected it to; seeing him happy like this. Especially after they'd parted the last time with her hand print on his cheek. He brought his hand up and looked at her for permission before he touched her. She sighed internally, knowing she was only making it worse for herself, but found herself nodding despite that.

Their bodies were still close together, so she took a step back then took his hand and guided it to where the baby was kicking; which was the left side at the moment. His hand was warm and covered good amount of her belly as he kept it there waiting for the baby to kick. They stood there silently for at least another minute until he finally felt a kick. He jerked his hand away in surprise, then quickly put it back; he still had that smile of wonderment on his face, and she couldn't help herself when she found herself watching his face instead of his hand. He'd never looked so appealing to her. He looked vulnerable and human. Much different than usual, when he had his armor on and his emotional walls up. He was letting her see the actual Raymond Reddington, not Red Reddington. She wanted to push his hand away and tell him that it was enough, but she couldn't. Not when he still was looking down at his hand awaiting another kick while looking excited and boyish. She just couldn't do that to him; as much as it was hurting her.

She founder herself tracing her fingers over his shoulders, the back of his neck, and over his sideburns-memorizing the feel of him; she would need these memories when she found herself alone that night wishing he was there. He didn't seem to notice her touch as he moved his hand to a different position. She brought her other hand down and guided his hand low on her belly. There was one more strong kick that he got to feel, then she pulled his hand away. "I think he's done moving for the night."

Red nodded and pulled his hand from her grasp and stepped away from her completely; she silently mourned the loss of contact. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel him kick. I didn't think I would even have that."

She grimaced at the little shot at her and motioned with her arm for him to sit on the couch. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"

He turned and sat down in the corner of the couch and threw his arm across the back and crossed his legs. "I'm fine. Now tell me, Lizzie. Why did you call?"

She sat down on the other end and sighed. "To be honest with you Red, I don't know. I know I shouldn't have, because that's not fair to you."

He shook his head minutely and sighed. "Why did you really call me over here?"

She laid her head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "I broke it off with Thomas."

He couldn't help the small, satisfied smile that stole across his face momentarily (And he finally found out what _his_ name was. Another Thomas?); luckily she didn't see it. "Why?" He said bluntly; he was tired of vague answers and half-truths.

She turned her head to look at him. She looked lost and heartbroken, and it was all he could do not to gather her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew she wouldn't allow him to.

She sighed and resumed staring at the ceiling. "Because I was leading him on and he didn't deserve that. He's a good man."

He toyed with a string on the back of the couch with his fingers. "How were you leading him on?"

He thought he knew the reason, but he wasn't going to assume until he heard it come out of her mouth.

"I just was..ok?" She began to rub her belly softly with one of her hands; he found himself wanting to move over and do that himself.

Instead he looked at her profile and said, "I think you owe me more than that."

She shook her head, "We've been through this already, Red. You've already used that argument, and I already explained to you as much as I could," she said tiredly. It was nearing 10:00 PM and she was exhausted; emotionally and physically.

He reached over and touched the side of her face briefly so she would look at him. "Why did you feel you were leading Thomas on?"

She heaved an annoyed sigh. "Because of you! Ok? Isn't that a good enough explanation?" She sat up and began to knead the muscles of her lower back with her fingers and avoided looking at him.

Red didn't move as he contemplated his next question. She was upset and he didn't want to push her too far, but yet this was the best time to get some answers out of her.

"What do I have to do with Thomas, Lizzie?" He said calmly as he moved a few inches closer to her; she didn't seem to notice.

She glanced at him, then looked away and stared at the coffee table. "Everything, ok? Enough with the twenty questions." She continued to knead the muscles in her back, and groaned softly when she hit a particularly sore spot.

Deciding that he'd seen enough of her in pain, he moved behind her so she sat between his legs and her back was against his chest. She stiffened and tried to pull away. "Red, what are you.."

He cut her off by pushing her hands away from her back and placing his own there. She didn't seem inclined to push him away any longer and dropped her head as he kneaded her back and sides expertly. "Ohhhh..right..there..yeah."

He massaged her back and shoulders for another ten minutes, taking cues from her where she needed it the most. She hadn't had anyone to take care of her properly, and again cursed her for leaving without talking it out with him first.

He wrapped his arms around her belly and pulled her flush against his chest, then whispered in her ear. "What do I have to do with Thomas, Lizzie?"

She sighed and leaned against him more fully. She didn't seem to mind that she was in such an intimate embrace with a man who she didn't want in her life. "I'm in love with you, Red. Not him. _That's_ what you have to do with him, Ok? Is that a good enough answer for you now? Because it still doesn't change a damn thing."

His fingers twitched on her belly. "Oh, I think that changes a whole lot, sweetheart," he said quietly, but forcefully.

She reached up and pried his hands off of her, then stood up abruptly; the intimacy of their embrace already a distant memory. "I told you not to call me that, and there's still the tiny matter of you being a dangerous criminal with a running price on your head," she spat at him through clenched teeth while holding her thumb and index finger close together.

He sat back and adjusted himself; he was half-aroused and he didn't want her to see that. "I can't change that, Lizzie. We can only live life normally and hope for the best."

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "No, you're not going to convince me, Red. I'm sorry, but I made the right decision months ago, and I'm not changing it."

He knew she was finished talking to him and about their problems for the night, and he was done pushing her. He would wear her down over time, and they had made good progress tonight. He wasn't discouraged, but rather encouraged.

He stood up from the couch and heaved a sigh. "Ok, I'm going to take my leave then." He stepped close to her and kissed her cheek softly. She didn't move into him, or react at all, but at least she didn't move away.

He moved his mouth close to her ear and whispered, "I love you." Then he moved away and walked towards the door, then took his coat off the hook and slid it on. He glanced back at her to see that she was still standing in the same spot, but looked pensive.

Deciding not to antagonize her further, he unlocked the door and pulled it open, only to come face to face with Thomas.

Red smiled. "Hello, you must be Thomas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up..right? Thank you so much for the comments and kudos. I know its been painful to read, because it truly does hurt me to write them like this. I would love to hear what you guys think! Have a good day. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Thomas stood motionless on the doorstep with a surprised expression on his face for a few moments, then he suddenly turned angry. "Who are you?" His words came out more stilted than usual, his anger causing his accent to flare noticeably.

Red continued to smile as he shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly and said, "I'm the father of her baby."

Thomas rose his eyebrows in surprise and a humorless laugh followed shortly after. "You? You are not her type. She would never go for you. Really, who are you?"

Red opened his mouth to give a caustic reply, but Liz stepped in front of Red with her hands raised in a placating manner. "Thomas, this isn't what it looks like. I didn't break up with you and immediately fall into another man's arms."

Red tried to hide his smile, because technically that had been _exactly_ what she'd done, but he didn't say anything; not because of Thomas, but because he didn't want to cause Liz anymore undue stress.

"Well that is what it looks like, Melinda. I told you that we are not done. I am falling in love with you, and I came back because I had some things I wanted to say to you."

The man didn't even know Liz's real name, it could never work between them; Red felt some of the tension that hadn't known was there fall away from his shoulders.

Thomas seemed intent on avoiding Red, but Red didn't plan on going anywhere now. Not when this unknown man was angry at his pregnant...whatever.

Liz sighed. "Look, Thomas. We already discussed this." She glanced back at Red for a moment; her eyes silently pleading for help. She clearly didn't want Thomas there, and he had seen fear in her expression. Even if she didn't want _him_ , she didn't want Thomas either.

Thomas put his hands on his hips. "We did not discuss it at all. All you told me was that the father of your baby would not leave you alone. Are you telling me that this is ok now?" He gestured angrily with one of his hands at Red.

Red rose his eyebrows and took a step closer to Liz so that his chest brushed her back in silent support. "I told you that it was complicated, Thomas. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I don't want to lead you on anymore. I don't feel as strongly for you as you do for me. I know that's harsh, but you need to know the truth." Red wished he could see her facial expression, but knowing her, she had tears in her eyes. He brought up a hand up in a way that Thomas couldn't see and stroked her lower back softly in comfort. She leaned back a little into his hand and seemed to take some strength from him.

Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't seem to make his vocal cords work. Red was tempted to say something, but knew that that was the last thing Liz wanted or needed him to do.

Liz took a small step forward, leaving his hand empty and cold. "I'm sorry, Thomas. I truly am. I never meant for it to be like this. Please...just go," she said sadly.

Thomas clenched his jaw in response and balled his fists at his side. He looked more like he was preparing for a fist fight than a tearful goodbye. Red stepped in front of Liz and looked at Thomas with his best "Raymond Reddington stare." Red could see hesitation flicker over his face, then resignation. He knew he wouldn't be able to get to Liz with Red nearby.

Without another word he turned on his heel and stalked away into the night. Red closed the door quietly and made sure to lock the deadbolt; Thomas had looked like he might be planning something behind those innocent blue eyes, and Red was not going to take any chances; not with Liz's safety in question.

He turned around to see Liz staring at her bare feet, seemingly lost in thought. He took a step forward, but resisted touching her. "Lizzie?"

She sucked in a breath and brought her hands up quickly to wipe her tears away, then finally looked up at him with sad eyes. "I screw up and end up hurting anyone and anything I touch," she said quietly.

Red took another step forward so their bodies were inches away from each other. "That's not true. I'm still here, our baby is still in there.." He gestured at her stomach with his hand, "...isn't that all that truly matters?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. He was surprised that she didn't shoot down his remark about him still being here; and that she hadn't kicked him out yet. She had been done with him before Thomas had shown up.

Red glanced at his watch and saw that it was nearing 11:00 PM. Liz was staring at something over his shoulder. He touched her arm briefly so she would look at him. "I'll be taking my leave now. For what it's worth, you mean everything to me, Lizzie, don't ever forget that." She nodded once more, but didn't comment any further.

He bit the inside of his cheek and tilted his head, then deciding that she would be ok, turned to opened the door again. "Red...wait."

He paused with his hand hovering near the deadbolt, but he didn't turn to look at her; he didn't dare get his hopes up. She touched his elbow fleetingly. "Stay."

Surprised, he turned and looked at her with raised eyebrows. She quickly continued before he got the wrong impression, "I...I don't mean in my bed, but..could you maybe just sleep on the couch? I'm a little worried that Thomas might try to come back again." She would never admit that she couldn't bear to see him leave again. She was hopelessly addicted to him now, there was no going back.

He didn't hesitate as he answered, "Of course, Sweetheart." He reached out and squeezed her bicep before turning and walking back towards the living room, leaving her standing in the entryway.

She didn't have the heart to call him out again for calling her sweetheart. He could call her that as much as he wanted as long as he stayed close. It seemed his silent support for her had softened her heart towards him further. She was tired of fighting her feelings for him, anyway.

She followed after him and saw him standing in the middle of the room a little awkwardly. She tried to smile. "Let me get you some blankets and a pillow, I'll be back." She watched as he nodded and his fingers twitched at his side; she was sure that he was used to having his fedora in his hand, and that it was an unconscious nervous tic.

She found him some bedding and carried it back in the living room to give him; he hadn't moved from his spot, but had been observing the sparsely furnished room with feigned interest. He took the bedding from her with a nod, then set it down on the couch and faced her again. "Are you going to go to bed now?"

She hesitated. She wanted to talk things out with him a little more, but she was exhausted and would probably say things she shouldn't, and normally wouldn't. She also wanted more than anything to invite him to her bed, but didn't dare ask him because she would look like a hypocrite for all the things she had said earlier that evening; so she kept her mouth shut and nodded. "Yes, I'm dead on my feet."

He stepped forward and took her hand then led her to her bedroom. She followed along willingly, not daring to hope that he was going to stay with her, because she knew she would be disappointed.

He released her hand and pulled her blanket down (not comforter, she had picked up more than a few habits from him), then turned and helped her into bed; she already had her pajamas on (which consisted of sleep shorts that went mid-thigh and a long-sleeved blue t-shirt).

Red quirked his mouth and reached down to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She smiled tiredly at him as he leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to her forehead, lingering there for longer than necessary. He pulled back after a few moments and said softly, "Good night."

"Night," she whispered as she watched him reach over and turn her bedside lamp off, then walk out of her room without another word. She felt a tangible loss in the back of her throat, and had to physically clamp her lips down to keep from calling out to him. That wouldn't be fair to him. They had to take things slowly and build trust between them again before they're relationship could progress any further.

She also needed to reconcile the fact that only hours ago she was refusing to let him back in her life because of the lifestyle he lived. She didn't understand why all of a sudden that didn't matter to her. It was like a switch had been flipped in her brain and she no longer cared; she would have to evaluate her thoughts when she wasn't so damn tired. She actually found herself thinking that everything that had happened that night had been a dream. Those were her last thoughts as she drifted to sleep soon after.

OOOOOO

Red made his bed on the couch and stretched out on it. It was just a little too short for him, so he had to bend his legs slightly to get comfortable. He didn't mind the spring jabbing into his back because his thoughts were consumed with Liz and why she had a sudden change of heart about him and his situation. There was always the chance she was using him so Thomas would leave her alone, but he quickly dismissed that thought because he hadn't seen anything to indicate that that was the case; and she wasn't a good liar. He closed his eyes and laced his fingers together over his chest. He was tired. So very tired. It had been a long time since he'd felt this at peace. The proverbial cracked floor beneath him had stopped dropping away, and he was standing precariously on the last two pieces. He knew that if anything more happened he would fall; he couldn't let that happen; refused to, actually.

He must have fallen asleep, because he startled awake to a feeling of someone standing near him. He shot up and winced at the pain in his back, then turned his head and made out her silhouette standing at the head of the couch. He couldn't see her expression in the dark. "Lizzie, whatss the matterr?" He was still half asleep and couldn't seem to shake the cobwebs from his sleep-fogged brain.

She moved around to stand in front of him. His eyes finally adjusted to the dark and he could see her worrying her lip with her teeth. He swung his legs around and sat up with his knees touching hers. "Sweetheart?"

She sighed quietly. "I'm embarrassed to ask, really, but I can't fall back asleep."

He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly and pushed the light button on his watch. He'd only been asleep for a couple of hours. "Out with it then."

She was silent for a few more seconds, then seemed to just throw caution to the wind and blurt it out. "I really, really, really want a cheeseburger right now. One from McDonalds. I can't get it out of my head."

Red chuckled at the absurdity of her request and sat back against the couch. "How often do you have these cravings?"

She sniffed and looked away from him. "At least a couple times a week, maybe more."

He crossed his legs and settled more comfortably. "And have you been indulging them?"

She sat down next to him on the edge of the couch and shook her head. "No, I've always ignored them."

Liz could see him studying her thin frame in the light from the pale moonlight coming in from a crack in the curtains. He worked his mouth as if he wanted to say something (probably something like, "Well you should have"), but must have decided against it and stilled his movements, then stood up with a quiet groan. "I would be happy to get you a cheeseburger. Anything else?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Thank you."

He reached down and squeezed her shoulder, then slid his shoes and coat back on and walked out the door in a flurry. She watched his graceful movements and felt her hormones raging against one another. On one hand she felt like jumping him and taking him then and there, and on the other hand she wanted to slap him for taking so long to agree to get her a damn cheeseburger.

She sat back against the couch and hugged his pillow to her chest, then breathed in the scent of his aftershave. The baby was restless tonight, which was what had woken her up in the first place, and he didn't seem to want to do anything but kick her bladder and other internal organs. Then for some reason a cheeseburger had popped into her head and it had driven her crazy for a good hour before she said to hell with it and walked into the living room. She had watched him sleep for a few minutes. He looked vulnerable and... _normal_ when he was asleep. He didn't have had façade of the great Raymond Reddington in place, and she wished that he would show this side to her more often. He was just a normal, red-blooded man. She needed to quit holding him up on a pedestal and start seeing him as a man that she could possibly have a future with if everything was played right.

Twenty minutes later, Red walked back in her apartment mumbling under his breath, "One cheeseburger, just one..and they manage to screw the damn thing up." He stopped in the entryway and hung his coat back up, then walked in the living room and sat next to her heavily, displacing her from her thoughts as he handed her the small bag. She reached over and turned the lamp on that stood next to couch, then opened the bag and took the small cheeseburger out.

She reached over and patted his thigh in thanks then took a bite and moaned quietly. "This has to be the best thing I've eaten in months. Not even exaggerating."

Red huffed a quiet laugh and yawned. "If you say so, Lizzie."

They sat in silence as she ate; they were sitting close enough together that their thighs touched, but neither seemed to notice because they were both lost in their own thoughts. She finished a few minutes later and crinkled the wrapper up and threw it back in the bag. Now that she was sated, she was beginning to feel the pull of sleep again.

She yawned, then leaned over and kissed his jaw, his stubble scratching her lips. "Thank you, Red. I'm so glad you were around this time."

He turned his head and smiled, then reached over and took her hand that was lying in her lap. "It's regrettable that I wasn't here the other times you needed something." He didn't want to say more for fear of upsetting her, but she seemed satisfied with his answer because she leaned over and put her head on his shoulder.

He allowed himself to enjoy this little indulgence for a few minutes until he said quietly, "Let's get you back to bed, Lizzie."

She sat up slowly and stretched her arms over her head. "Sounds good, I can barely keep my eyes open."

He stood up and held his hand for her to take, then pulled her up and led her towards her room once again. Before she moved to lie down, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly to her. He brought his hands up and massaged her back for a bit until she pulled back and said, "Night...again."

He pursed his lips. "Good night, see you in the morning."

She found that she liked the sound of that.

He helped her back into bed then turned to leave, but she caught his wrist before he could.

Wait, Red. Will you stay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so fluffy, I'm sorry about that. I guess I just needed a break from writing angst. Thanks for all the comment and kudos..I truly do appreciate them. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think! :D


	8. Chapter 8

Red stood staring down at her slim fingers as they grasped his wrist. He didn't know what to say, and honestly he didn't know if he wanted to sleep next to her while there were so many unanswered questions between them. They still had a lot of things to work out, and only hours ago she had told him that she didn't want him in her life. Why they sudden change of heart? It couldn't be because of one little cheeseburger, but maybe she was feeling an emotional attachment to him because he had been nice to her, and she wasn't used to people doing things for her. Of course Thomas had been, but she apparently didn't love him, so it wouldn't have meant as much.

He was shaken from his thoughts by her quiet voice. "Red...please." He was glad he couldn't see her face, because he would have caved right then and there.

He gently pulled his hand from her hold and crouched down next to her, his body making a cacophony of noise as he bent his knees. "Lizzie...I don't think that's the best idea right now. We're both a little emotionally compromised from tonight's events. I don't think you would normally ask me to sleep with you, not when you're so undecided." He reached forward and put his hand on top of her belly softly.

She didn't protest the movement, but her voice was thick with emotion as she said, "I would though, Red. I've done a lot of thinking an-"

"We need to give it _time_ , Lizzie. You can't expect me to jump right in bed with you as soon as the opportunity arises. There are things that need to be discussed. Hurt feelings on both sides.." He hesitated, debating whether or not to say what he was thinking. She moved her hand and laid it on top of his where it was still resting on her belly. "Spit it out, Red."

He sighed and decided to just to say it. She needed to hear it anyway. "Frankly, Lizzie. I'm still angry with you. As much as I love you, I can't just easily forgive you for leaving without telling me that you were pregnant. You avoided me for months and caused a lot of heartbreak on my side. I took up drinking again; I was in the darkest place I'd been in since I discovered my dead family on Christmas Eve. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

She sniffed, and he knew she was crying, but she'd needed to hear that. It was cathartic for him, and revealing to her. They could either work on things from then on, or she could throw him out and tell him to go away; and he really would this time. He knew when he wasn't wanted, and wouldn't force himself on her.

They were silent for a few minutes, and Red took the opportunity to move his hand around her stomach in hopes that he'd feel their baby kick; but he didn't have any such luck. Liz was busy using both hands to wipe away her tears. He didn't feel like comforting her for once, she had to come to him, and he wasn't going to allow it tonight. She needed to understand how hurt and angry he still was.

After a few more minutes, she finally got herself under control and stopped his hand on her stomach by wrapping her fingers around the top of his hand. "I understand, Red. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for the way I handled things." Her voice was hoarse from crying, and he squeezed her fingers to let her know he'd heard her as she continued, "I didn't go about it the right away. I took the coward's way out, but I had my own reasons for doing what I did, as you well know; but it's done, there's no going back now. I can only hope that you'll be able to forgive me eventually."

He took his hand away and caressed her jaw softly. "I think it's something you can bet on..and I'm a betting man."

She huffed a quiet laugh, then sighed heavily. He could tell she was exhausted by how her body seemed to sag with his reassurance. Red stood up and said softly, "I'll see you in the morning, sweetheart."

She hesitated for a moment, then touched his hand again in farewell. "Night, Red."

He turned around and walked out of the room. His body was screaming for him to go back and lay in bed with her and comfort her, but his mind was screaming equally as loud that he'd done the right thing. He hated to see her hurting, but it was the only way for them to truly work through their issues, so he had to stick to his guns.

He heard muffled crying coming from her room, and closed his eyes as he sat back down on the couch. His mantra for the rest of the night as he laid awake was:

_Don't give in. Don't give in. Don't give in._

And he didn't.

OOOOOO

Red woke to a shaft of sunlight hitting his eyes and groaned. He felt like he'd just fallen asleep; his eyes felt gritty and heavy. He yawned and brought up his left arm to look at his watch. It was already half past nine, and he hadn't heard anything from Liz. He stood up and stretched his arms over his head, and winced as his back cracked painfully, then walked into her half-bath and did his business.

As he was walking out of the bathroom, he was studying something on his shirt and didn't see Liz in the hallway until he ran into her. They both cried out in surprise and she began to fall, but he was quick enough to grab hold of her arms and haul her into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her back and said quietly, "Morning, how did you sleep?"

She took a deep breath and put her hands on his sides. "I didn't, not really. You?"

He ran his hand through her hair and nuzzled her temple with his nose. "Mmm..Not much better, but I did eventually fall asleep." Her hands didn't stray from his side as they stood there for another minute or two. Eventually he pulled away and framed her face with his hands, then studied her. She looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks red, and her hair was in disarray; he felt a small pang of guilt knowing that he had caused this, but he wasn't going to apologize.

He leaned down and kissed her cheek, then pulled away from her completely and tried to smile. "Feeling any sudden cravings for a cheeseburger?" He joked, hoping to elicit a smile from her, but she remained stoned faced and shook her head.

"If I never see another cheeseburger during the rest of my pregnancy, I'll be a happy woman." He chuckled, then frowned as he saw her face go a little green. Pregnancy was an odd thing that he didn't understand, and he wasn't going to question or tease her about it.

He turned and walked towards her kitchen, then said over his shoulder, "What are you hungry for?"

She followed him and sat down on a chair at the kitchen table. "I'm not hungry, Red."

He opened her fridge and grimaced at the meager contents inside. There were only eggs, milk, and a box of baking soda at the back. "Well I am, and I guess it's going to be eggs. Are you certain you don't want any?"

She threaded a hand through her hair and leaned her elbow on the table. "I'm sure. I'm feeling queasy this morning." He closed the fridge and began to open cupboards, searching for soda crackers or something similar to help calm her stomach. He opened the last cupboard and smiled when he found what he'd been searching for. He reached in and picked up the lone sleeve from the bare shelf, then turned to show her what he hand in his hand with raised eyebrows.

She nodded in resignation, and he walked over to her and handed them to her, then sat down in the next chair over; eggs didn't sound all that appealing after all. He watched as she opened the package and stuck a cracker in her mouth. It didn't look particularly appealing to him, but he reached forward and took one from the package in her hand then popped it into his mouth. It was dry and disgusting, and it took all he had not to spit it right back out.

He must have given his distaste away in his facial expression, because she laughed out loud, spraying him with crumbs from her mouth in the process; which caused her to laugh harder as she attempted to apologize. He found that he didn't mind at all as long as she kept laughing; it had been so long since he'd heard her do so.

"Wed, I'm schwo schwory." She eventually managed to swallow her mouthful and leaned forward to began wiping the crumbs from his shirt and lap. He grabbed her wrist as she strayed too close to his groin and finished for her. "Don't worry about it, it happens to the best of us."

She snorted and tried to hold her laugh in, but started to laugh loudly again. He just shook his head with an amused smile and took a bite of another cracker, waiting for her to calm down. He didn't remember his wife ever being this high and low emotionally when she was pregnant, but it had been a long time ago and he'd been gone a lot, so he couldn't actually say for sure.

Liz managed to calm herself down, but he could see the sparkle in her eyes again; he missed that so much. She ate seven or eight crackers, then sat back and looked at him looking at her. "What?" She sounded suspicious.

He shook his head and picked at imaginary lint on his sleeve. "Nothing. I was just thinking that I need to go to my apartment to shower and change my clothes."

She suddenly looked a little panicked. "You're going to come back right? I didn't ruin everything last night, did I?"

He shook his head and touched her knee briefly. "Of course I'm coming back, Lizzie. I'll only leave if you tell me to go. I promised that we would work things out, didn't I?"

She nodded briefly and stood up to get a glass of water. "Sorry, my emotions are all over the place today."

He stood up himself and walked to the doorway so he could put his coat and shoes on. "Don't apologize, I can't even being to imagine." He finished zipping his coat up and looked at her. "I'll be back in an hour, then we can go shopping. Your fridge and cupboards are bare. What in the world do you eat, sweetheart?"

She shrugged, a little embarrassed. "I eat a lot of takeout, just like I used to in the States. Plus I can't read German very well, so it's hard to shop." His lips thinned in disapproval, but he refrained from saying anything as he turned and walked to the door. "Be ready to go in an hour."

She nodded, but he didn't see it as he opened the door and walked out, shutting the door behind him with a resounding thud.

The silence in the apartment was deafening.

OOOOOO

An hour and ten minutes later found her sitting on the edge of her couch, dressed in black maternity pants and a white long-sleeved t-shirt, biting her fingernail nervously. She hated that she was getting so worked up over him, but now that he'd been in her life for a day, she wanted him around all the time. He really was her drug and she didn't want to cure her addiction, no matter how harmful he could be to her and her safety.

Another ten minutes passed, then there was a quiet knock on her door. She breathed out a sigh of relief and stood up quickly, then had to balance herself with a hand on the back of the couch as a wave of dizziness hit her; she needed to stop getting up so quickly.

The dizzy spell passed within seconds, then she made her way to the door and swung it open to reveal Red dressed like he always dressed; but seemed to look a million times more appealing to her at that moment. She could scarcely breathe, let alone speak. He was dressed in black trousers with a dark blue dress shirt, yellow tie, and a black vest. He held a black fedora in in one hand, and had his suit coat draped over his other arm. He grinned smugly, seemingly privy to her thoughts as he said, "Are you ready to go?"

She smiled and nodded dumbly, then stepped out into the cool winter air. She was too flustered at the moment to feel the cold air, and didn't think to grab her coat. He was distracted by something to his left and didn't notice her lack of outerwear either. They began walking down the sidewalk, their hands occasionally brushing as Red told her a story about how one time he'd pissed off a German. He had her laughing by the end, and he reached to take her hand as they passed a flock of tourists. As soon as he touched her fingers, he pulled back and looked at her closer. "Where the hell is your coat? You're hands are like ice."

She suddenly realized how cold she was and hugged herself. "I didn't think to bring it."

He tskd, but pulled his coat off his arm and slid it around her shoulders in one motion. She slid her arms inside, then pulled it tightly around her. It was warm from his body, and smelt like him; just what she needed.

They walked the rest of the way to the store in companionable silence. She watched as a group of Asian tourists posed for pictures in front of a statue, then began chattering excitedly at something behind Red and Liz. She resisted the urge to turn around, and moved to the side as they passed them quickly; they didn't acknowledge either one of them, but she couldn't help but smile at their enthusiasm.

The finally reached E Neukauf and walked inside. She kept his coat on, and he didn't seem to mind as they picked a cart and walked past the cashiers. It felt so domestic being at the grocery store with him, and knew it probably looked that way to anyone observing them, but they were far from the happy expectant parents shopping for food on a Saturday morning; she suddenly wished it could be that simple.

They walked up and down the aisles together. She pushed the cart while he picked things off the shelf and explained how to say them in German, then told her what the item compared to in the US. She was beginning to pick up and understand some the words he spoke to her, and she found it incredibly endearing to hear him speak another language. She loved peeling back the onion that was Raymond Reddington; even if it was one frustrating layer at a time.

They reached the produce section and he picked up an odd-looking fruit and told another story about his first experience with it. She just smiled and shook her head, then drifted towards the produce that she recognized. Bananas suddenly sounded like the best thing ever, so she picked up three bunches and stuck them in the cart, then she moved over to the apples and oranges. By the time she was finished with that, Red had added his own stuff and their cart was full.

He cleared his throat so she would look at him. "Do you need anything else?"

She pursed her lips in thought, but shook her head when she couldn't think of anything. "I think I'm finished." She began to knead her lower back unconsciously.

He stepped up behind her and again pushed her hands away so he could do it. He dug his thumbs into her spine, and it felt heavenly. He leaned closer to her and spoke quietly. "Do you have any pain medication at home for your back pain?"

She nodded and leaned her head back to rest on his shoulder. She didn't care that they were in the middle of a grocery store; she was going to enjoy his impromptu back rub for as long as it lasted.

He kissed the side of her head, then pulled his hands back and said, "Come on, you're worn out, let's get you home."

She nodded reluctantly, then stood up straight and followed him towards the check-out stands. The lines were long, and by the time it was their turn she felt cranky towards the poor cashier; so she let Red deal with everything and took a step back. He seemed to understand and was his usual charming self, so much so that by the end he had the cashier eating out of his hands. She stepped forward to slide her credit card, but Red shot her a warning look and shook his head. "Don't even think about it, Lizzie."

She didn't feel up to arguing with him, so she shrugged and let him pay; he would never let her anyway, even if she tried to get him to see her point of view.

After they paid, he pulled out his cell phone and called for a taxi to come pick them up. They walked out into the parking lot, and he helped her sit down on one of the concrete parking barriers as they waited for the taxi to show up. They kept their conversation light, talking about non-consequential things. "Where's Dembe, Red?" She looked up to see him slipping his amber-colored sunglasses on.

He looked down at her and curled his lip into a half-smile. "He's attending to some business that I can't be a party to at the moment. He should return by the end of next week." In other words, Red was trying to distance himself from as much danger as possible.

She nodded, not in the mood to question him further. He sat down next to her with a little grunt and pointed out things in the parking lot for her to practice her German. By the time the cab pulled in the parking lot, she had most of the words down, and felt confident that she would remember them.

The cab pulled up next to them, and Red opened the door for her to get in, then helped the driver load the trunk with her groceries.

In a matter of minutes they were heading back towards her apartment. She sat close to Red, but resisted resting her head on his shoulder. She had to keep reminding herself that they still had things to work through, and that she shouldn't act so familiar with him; although he didn't seem to mind all that much, she'd noticed that he'd been a little reluctant to touch her most of the morning, but the small touches had been encouraging as well. All was not lost.

They reached her apartment, and she carried a few of the lighter bags inside and began to unload the groceries as the men brought the rest in. By the time all the groceries were put away, she was hungry and exhausted.

She plucked two bananas off a bunch and followed Red into the living room to sit on the couch. After she finished, she yawned widely and looked over to see that his eyes were closed and his arm was thrown over the back of the couch behind her. He was breathing deeply, indicating that he was already asleep. The thought of getting up and walking to her bedroom to take a nap sounded too tiring, so she picked up a small throw pillow and placed it on his lap, then gently laid her head down and made herself comfortable; he made no indication that she'd woken him.

She reached behind her and plucked the throw blanket off the back of the couch, then laid it over her and snuggled down further into the pillow, and his lap. She closed her eyes, and the last thing she remembered was feeling Red's hand in her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah..more fluff. *checks angst switch and sprays WD-40 in it* It seems to be broken, hopefully I can fix it for the next chapter. So I apologize for more fluff. I can't even pay my own dental bills, I hope you don't expect me to pay yours after you lose all your teeth from reading this. :P All kidding aside, thank you so much for all the reviews/follows/favs for this fic..I really do appreciate them. I would love to hear what you think! Good or bad. :) Have a great day.
> 
> P.S. This chapter is dedicated to FrostyFingers. It's her birthday today, and this is my gift to her; an extra long chapter. You're a great friend, and an even better person. Love ya girl!


	9. Chapter 9

Liz watched from the car as Red shook hands with his contact. They both seemed to be on friendly enough terms as they began to speak to each other while occasionally laughing and using exaggerated hand gestures. She was far enough away that she couldn't hear what was being said, and couldn't read their lips either. So she was forced to guess what they were speaking about; Red had refused to tell her any details, and only wanted her to come along so they could find the next blacklister after he received his information.

She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly, then yawned widely as she leaned her head against the passenger side window. It was beginning to get chilly in the car and she wished she could turn the car back on, but that would only attract unwanted attention. The silence was broken by a strange, muffled noise which caused her to open her eyes; then she felt her stomach drop to her toes.

What had seemingly been a friendly meeting, now found Red on the ground holding his thigh with blood spilling out around his hand. She moved to open the door, but then pulled her hand back when she realized that she didn't have a way to defend herself or him; not to mention the fact that she was pregnant. She would die if she attempted to save him.

She sat back heavily and watched as the contact circled Red like a predatory lion stalking its prey. She felt hot tears rolling down her cheeks as Red clearly tried to convince the man to listen to him, but he kept on circling Red, his stride confident and deadly.

Minutes passed as they continued to argue. She felt like her very soul was being ripped away while waiting for one of them to make their move. She rubbed her belly to calm herself as Red's blood continued to pour out of his leg. She could see that he was pale from where she sat, and knew he wouldn't make it if they didn't get out of this situation soon; she needed the father of her baby and the man she loved to live. She couldn't imagine him not being in her life.

Just as she opened the door (to do _something_ ), another gunshot rang out. She jumped out of the car and ran as fast as she could towards Red's prone body. She saw the contact in the corner of her eye running away, but at this point she didn't care. Red couldn't die. He couldn't. She wouldn't allow it.

She saw a clear bullet hole where his heart was and let out a strangled sob as she check for a pulse. There wasn't one. She began CPR just because she didn't know what else to do, but every time she pushed down, blood would seep out of the hole in his chest. She knew it was hopeless. Knew she should be on her phone reporting it. But she couldn't move her hands from his body. He was dead. Raymond Reddington was _dead_.

Her brain couldn't quite reconcile that fact with her heart. She gave up on CPR and laid her head against his belly, then caressed his still warm, slightly stubbly jaw with her fingers.

She'd never felt so heartbroken. So alone. So deserted. So... _nothing_.

OOOOOO

"Lizzie! Wake up!" There was a hand shaking her shoulder roughly.

She shot up from where she had been lying on his lap and wrenched her shoulder from his grasp then turned around with tears running down her cheeks. She threw her arms around him and pulled him against her roughly as she tried to calm her breathing. Then she realized where she was, what she was doing, and that he was very much alive... and not returning the embrace.

Embarrassed, she pulled away and sat back heavily against the couch. Red turned his body towards her and wiped her cheek softly with his fingers. "Do you want to talk about it?" His face was full of concern. Damn him.

No. She didn't. That dream just showed her all her fears that she had been keeping bottled up. Something like that was going to happen someday, and she was powerless to stop it. That's why she had run away from him in the first place. If this is what she felt like when he wasn't really dead, then how much worse would it be if he actually was? She would die of a broken heart. It would be so much easier to just leave him now and get it over with. At least she wouldn't have to witness his death.

She was more conflicted than ever.

She sat up a little straighter and pushed his hand from her shoulder. "I just dreamed about something happening to the baby. I'm fine." She forced a smile and averted her eyes. She knew she didn't sound convincing.

"Lizzie." He said warningly.

She took a deep breath and looked at him again. "Really, Red. It just scared me, but I'm ok." She stood up as fast as her body would allow and held a hand out for him to take. He looked at it, then at her with a raised eyebrow.

She wiggled her fingers a little and said with fake light-heartedness, "I feel like doing some sightseeing. Come on."

He took her hand reluctantly and stood up without her having to pull. He still looked concerned and she knew she wasn't fooling him, but for some reason he wasn't calling her out on it. "What do you want to see?"

She let go of his hand and walked to the entryway to slip her shoes and coat on, then turned to see him still standing where she'd left him. "Oh, I don't know. There's a place called Peacock Island that might be fun to go see." As she stood there and watched him watch her, all she could see was his dead body lying on the cold sidewalk with a bullet in his chest. Tears started prick at the back of her eyes again, and she quickly turned around and pretended to zip up her coat. As she fiddled with the zipper and tried to get herself back under control, she heard slow, deliberate footsteps approach from behind her. She closed her eyes and tried to prepare herself for whatever he was about to do.

Hands wrapped around her upper arms, then his lips were on the shell of her ear as he pulled her against his chest. "Lizzie, I want the truth. We won't ever be able to work anything out if you can't even tell me what you dreamed about."

Liz couldn't help but notice how good he smelled as she held herself rigid against his body and contemplated what to tell him. He would probably understand and try to make her feel better, but anything he said wouldn't be the truth; because the truth was that he lived a dangerous life, and he could be killed at any time. She didn't know how to accept that. Ignorance had been bliss before, but now that she had a vivid picture of his death, she couldn't get it out of her head.

He kissed her ear, then the spot front of her ear as he waited for her to say something. She cleared her throat and tried to pull out of his grasp, but he held her in her place. "Please..don't," she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her middle and splayed his hands on her belly while nuzzling her hair with his nose. "Don't what, sweetheart?"

"Don't toy with me. I know what you're trying to do." His thumbs began moving in soothing circular motions as he contemplated what to say.

He sighed close to her ear, his warm breath moving across her jaw. "I'm not trying to do anything devious. I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm trying to make you comfortable enough to tell me why you're acting like you're suddenly afraid of me. What happened in your dream?" He said a little more forcefully.

The baby kicked one of his hands and he let out a quiet huff of surprise, then moved that hand around to try to get the baby to kick him again. Her arms still hung at her side as she watched his attempts. She could tell he already loved the baby, and she knew he would be a great father, but he was _dangerous_. She kept repeating that in her mind over and over but yet didn't have to strength or the courage to push him away like she knew she should.

"I don't want to talk about it, ok? Can't you just accept what I already told you? Why does everything have to be so damned difficult with you!" She could feel her heart start to pound as anger coursed through her

He suddenly pulled away and turned her around to face him, then gripped her shoulders tightly. "Tell me." He was angry now. She flinched as he moved his face close to hers. He'd never turned his anger on her like this, and it was a little scary. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, but it still struck fear in her heart.

She clenched her jaw and put her hands on his chest to push him away; he didn't move very far. "Fine. You want to know what I dreamed about? I dreamed about you dying. Right in front of me. I was pregnant and I couldn't do a damn thing to save you. I watched as some vile man shot you in the heart then left you to die. I ran over as soon as it was safe, but it was no good. You were already dead. You want to know how I felt? I felt like my heart was breaking in two. That my soul was being ripped from me. That's what I dreamed about, ok? Any questions?" His grip had gone slack on her shoulders during her explanation, so she took the opportunity to pull away and walk into her bedroom without another word. She closed the door, then slid her coat and shoes back off and laid down on the bed. She felt like crying, but the tears didn't come; so she stared up at the ceiling fan and waited for him to come in her bedroom and try to tell her that her dream didn't mean anything.

He never came.

OOOOOO

She must have fallen asleep, because when she woke up the light was low in her room, indicating that the sun was setting. She glanced over at the clock and was surprised to see it was already past 5:00 PM. She'd been asleep for over three hours, and Red hadn't come.

"What the hell?" She mumbled as she stood up from the bed with a groan and used the restroom, then opened her door and walked quietly down the hallway. When she reached the living room area, he was nowhere to be found.

Knitting her eyebrows together, she proceeded to search the rest of her apartment with no avail. He wasn't there. He'd left her.

She walked into the kitchen and took another couple of bananas off the bunch sitting on the counter, then sat down at the table to eat them. As she chewed, she spotted a note sitting on the counter by the fridge. She stood up and walked over to it, then read his short note

_There are things we both need to think about. I'll return when I have some answers._

_~R_

She read the note three more times, but couldn't seem to wrap her brain around the fact that he'd left. Just _left_ without telling her when he'd return. She pushed back the tears that threatened once again. There was no use in crying, but she felt abandoned, and imagined that that was how he had felt when she'd done it to him. She sighed and held the note in her hand as she sat back down and finished her bananas. She didn't feel hungry; but knew she needed to eat for the baby's sake.

After she finished, she walked around her apartment aimlessly while continuing to hold his note. It felt to her that if she put it down, he would disappear from her life forever. She couldn't think about that.

She didn't know what to do. What had she done before when he wasn't in her life? All she could think about was Red. He consumed her thoughts the rest of the day, then all night as she dreamed about him. The dreams were happy dreams of them as a family, and she woke up the next morning craving his presence. She needed him like she needed air, and hoped he would return soon.

He didn't. He didn't return for many days.

OOOOOO

Two weeks passed without him coming back to her. She had tried calling him multiple times, but he never answered. She searched the streets for him, but didn't have any luck. So she gave up calling and searching for him and just went through the motions. She ate and slept like clockwork, but didn't find any joy in any of it. She just _was_.

Today she had her twenty-four week appointment. She didn't want to go. Didn't want the doctor to lecture her about her weight and how she ate. Didn't want to see their baby without him there. But she forced herself to shower and dress, then rode the bus to her appointment. She sat in the waiting room for them to call her back and stared down at her clasped hands lost in thought. The front door of the doctor's office opened and closed, but she didn't bother to look up. It was probably just another patient.

Someone sat down in the chair next to her. She heaved an annoyed sigh and looked up to say something, but froze with her mouth half open. It was _him_ , dressed in grey trousers and a blue button down shirt with a grey vest. She tried not to stare.

She blinked a few times, but couldn't seem to get her mouth to work as they continued to stare at each other. He was the first to break the silence. "Lizzie." His voice was full of an emotion she couldn't identify. She felt like slapping him, but at the same time wanted to throw herself into his arms and kiss him senseless.

She settled for punching him in the arm. Hard. "What the hell, Red?"

He grimaced and rubbed his arm. "Did you not see my note?"

She shook her head incredulously. "Of course I did, you bastard. I thought you would be gone for a day, maybe two. Not two weeks!" She punched him again and continued to shake her head angrily.

Red glanced around the room, then leaned close and said, "Let me at least ex-"

"Melinda?" A pleasant voice interrupted their conversation, and they both shot back from each other like they'd been caught making out.

She put her hand over her racing heart and looked at the nurse. "Sorry."

The nurse smiled and gestured for her to follow her back, but hesitated when she saw Red. "Will he be coming back too?"

Liz stood and looked down to see Red biting the inside of his cheek as he looked at her. He clearly wanted to go back with her, but didn't want to ask. She rolled her eyes, then turned to the nurse and nodded. "If that's not a problem?"

The nurse shook her head. "Oh no, we have husbands come all the time. He is welcome."

She didn't bother to correct the nurse as she followed after her then heard Red's quiet footsteps following behind. They were led into a room, then left alone to wait for the doctor.

The tension between them the quiet room was uncomfortable. She didn't want to feel like that around him, but he owed her some answers; but unfortunately, now wasn't the time.

He sat next to her in one of the two chairs and put his arm on the back of it hers. She could feel the heat of his arm, but refused to lean into him. She kept her hands to herself and stared at the table in front of her, wishing the doctor would come.

As they continued to sit in silence, he crossed his legs and began to run his fingertips across her back lightly. She wanted to pull away and tell him to knock it off, but it felt good, so she allowed him to do it, but didn't react; she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

Another few minutes passed, then the doctor walked in with a smile and a "Good morning."

Liz finally found an excuse to move away from his hand as she reached out and shook the doctor's hand. She looked at Red and said, "Who's this?"

Liz contemplated how to answer her, then opened her mouth to say something, but Red sat forward and held his hand out. "I'm her husband, Jack. Nice to meet you." Liz internally sighed, but vowed not to show her annoyance to the doctor.

The doctor shook his hand, then turned to Liz and asked her to sit on the table. Liz moved over and sat down, then laid down and let the doctor measure her belly. Then she sat up and answered questions about how she was feeling. Liz gave all the standard answers while ignoring Red's eyes on her, it was unnerving.

The doctor seemed satisfied with her answers and asked if she would like to see the baby. She would never turn down an offer to see him, so she nodded and laid back down as the doctor drug the ultrasound machine over. Red stood up from his chair and stopped near her hip, then smiled down at her. She tried to smile back, but it was more like a grimace as the doctor pulled her shirt up and squeezed the gel on her belly.

Liz took a deep breath as the doctor began to move the wand over her stomach. She watched the screen with wide eyes as their son showed up on the computer screen. He was awake and moving around. She grinned widely, then glanced at Red to see that he was doing the same; it was a beautiful sight.

His hand was resting near hers, and he moved his pinky and hooked it with her thumb as they continued to watch their son. She didn't try to pull away, but she didn't encourage it either. She was still angry at him.

The doctor told them with a smile that everything looked normal and that she was the proper size for how far along she was. She nodded, then felt disappointed when the doctor pulled the wand away and handed Red a towel to wipe her belly off. He didn't attempt to give it to her, and instead wiped the gel off for her, then helped her up. She nodded her thanks as the doctor handed her the pictures she had printed out, then told her she wanted to see her in six weeks and left.

Red helped her off the table, then suddenly leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He pulled away after a moment and she watched as his cheek twitched. She could tell he hadn't meant to kiss her, but had done so anyway. "I apologize, I..." He trailed off, seemingly at a loss for what to say.

She sighed tiredly, not in the mood to fight with him, and she had secretly enjoyed feeling his lips on hers. So she nodded her head in acknowledgement of his apology, then squeezed his forearm as she passed him and walked out of the room; he followed close behind her. They didn't touch or speak again, and Liz didn't know how to begin the conversation that they needed to have. She felt like there was a chasm between them that was even farther apart than before.

She made her next appointment, then bade the receptionist goodbye and walked out of the office. It was a dull, cloudy day, and supposedly it was going to snow later that day. She hoped to be home before it started.

They walked side by side to the bus stop; their hands occasionally brushing, but never connecting. He seemed content to let the silence continue, and it annoyed her to no end.

He followed her on the bus and sat close to her, then reached over and laced his fingers with hers. She turned look at him with narrowed brows. She was sick of his continued refusal to begin their conversation. "What are you doing?"

He look at her with pursed lips, his eyes unreadable behind his sunglasses. "I'm holding your hand."

She sighed. "You know what I'm talking about, smartass. Why are you following me? Why come back now after two weeks away?"

He squeezed her hand, but kept his eyes on the seat in front of him. "Because you needed time away from me, that much was obvious. I needed time to think, too." He shrugged, her eyes darting to the wide expanse of his shoulders; she'd always loved them.

She leaned closer to his ear so they wouldn't be overheard. "So you needed two damn weeks to think? I only needed two hours. What the hell made you think I would need that long?"

He turned to look at her, his features pinched in anger. "It's not always just about you, Lizzie."

He was right of course. She was being selfish, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Sometimes she wished her life was different, this was one of those moments.

She pulled her hand away from him and crossed her arms over her belly, as if she was protecting herself and their baby from him. He didn't seem to notice as he clasped his hands and stared out the window next to him.

Their conversation hadn't made things better, and the ever widening gap between them grew.

The bus rumbled to a stop, and she stood up as quickly as she could and walked down the narrow aisle, not waiting for him to follow. She stepped off the bus and began the five minute walk to her house, and sighed when she heard his familiar footsteps. She didn't slow her gait, and he seemed content to follow behind her. Her back and shoulders ached from holding her body so stiffly as she walked. She didn't like that he was following her, but she couldn't tell him to go away, because he wouldn't.

She reached her apartment and unlocked the door, leaving it open for him, then strode inside and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat; she was starving. She made herself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table to eat it. The door closed quietly, then she looked up to see that had removed his sunglasses and was stuffing them in his vest pocket. He sat down next to her and toyed with a paper that was sitting on the table. They sat in silence, the only sound coming from her mouth as she continued to eat.

After a few moments, he finally sat up straight and put his hand over hers to still her movements so she would look at him. Once she did, he rose his eyebrows and said, "Are you ready to listen to what I have to say, or are you going to continue to be selfish?"

She winced. Ouch. He really knew how to hurt her when he wanted.

She bit her lip and nodded. "Talk away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a struggle..I apologize if it came off that way. Writer's block sucks. Thanks so much for the reviews/follows/favs for this story. I do this for you guys, and I appreciate the support. I would love to hear what you think! Thanks for reading. :)
> 
> Special thanks to FrostyFingers for going the extra mile and helping me out more than she realizes. <3


	10. Chapter 10

He pulled his hand away and leaned back in his chair as he studied her. She fidgeted nervously and toyed with the spoon in her hand as she waited for him to begin. She was determined to get all of their thoughts and feelings out. There were things that needed to be said, but hadn't, and they had been left to fester and rot. She knew that whatever Red had to say was going to hurt; mostly because it would hit too close to home.

He finally heaved a deep sigh and locked eyes with her. "I was away for as long as I was because I hadn't planned on returning at all. You've made it quite clear that you think I'm too dangerous to be around, and while I agree with you to a point, you wouldn't be safer with anyone else." She opened her mouth to protest, but he didn't give her a chance to respond as he continued, "To be honest with you, Lizzie, criminals know your name now. They know you're associated with Raymond Reddington. They know you've helped me take down some of their most trusted associates. You're as dangerous to them as I am."

She sat forward with pinched eyebrows. "Red-"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish," he said gruffly.

She closed her mouth and nodded with an annoyed glint in her eyes. "Your dream put your most private thoughts into perspective, and I realized what my presence was doing to you. It was eating away at you; because as much as you want me to be around in your heart, your brain refuses to let you be at peace with that decision."

He raised his eyebrows at her, as if asking her to confirm his assumptions. He was right. Completely. So all she could do was nod reluctantly with a grimace on her face.

She spoke up before he could continue; determined to get a word in. "So then why are you here?"

He stared down at his hands briefly, then looked back up at her with an open, honest expression. "Because I couldn't stay away, and as much as you hurt me by running away and not speaking to me about your issues, I can't help but forgive you. The wondering and waiting to get a phone call regarding your death was slowly eating away at me. I realized that I might as well come back and protect you both to the best of my ability. It doesn't matter if it's not as your lover and instead as your protector; I just need to be here."

She sighed and dropped her spoon in her empty cereal bowl with a clatter. He looked at her with hard eyes. Waiting for the inevitable rebuff from her. She rubbed her belly and stared at his vest in front of her as she thought about what to say. All she really wanted to do was throw herself at him and kiss him until neither one of them could breathe, but that wouldn't work. Not with the weight of his words hanging over their heads.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes until she finally gathered her thoughts and looked at him with a little twitch of her mouth. "Frankly Red, you scare the hell out of me. I never know what secrets you're withholding from me. I don't know if there's a price on my head, I don't even know if you would tell me if there was. But yet, I worry about you when you're not with me. You make me feel so conflicted. I _know_ you're dangerous. I _know_ you're not good for me. I _know_ I should just send you away and hope for the best. But I _can't_. You're too involved in my life now. I don't want you to stay away. I want you here. With me. By my side." He was biting the inside of his cheek and didn't seem inclined to comment, so she continued, "These last two weeks have been hell for me. I guess it ended up being a good thing that you stayed away, because it made me realize how much I actually need you and want you here. I feel like I have a purpose when you're in my life. I feel complete when you're here..." She trailed off, not sure if she should continue. She loved him, she knew that with certainty now, but she wasn't ready to say it out loud to him; not again.

He leaned forward and covered her hand that was lying on the table. She looked at him reluctantly, not sure what was going to come out of his mouth. Instead of saying anything, he smiled. A real genuine Raymond Reddington smile, and said, "I'm glad we're on the same page now, Lizzie."

She smiled back and nodded, but there was still the question of where their relationship went from here. She wanted something more from him. She was tired of holding back, but he'd said that he had come back to be her protector, not lover. She shouldn't be so presumptuous as to assume that he meant he came back to be with her sexually. "Red..." She halted, not sure if she should continue. She didn't want to make a fool out of herself.

He squeezed her fingers. "Lizzie?"

She closed her eyes and avoided looking in his as she spoke. "Where does that leave our relationship?"

He sighed tiredly, and she could feel the cold hand of disappointment twisting her gut. He was going to reject her and let her down gently; because that was the type of person he had become.

She stood up suddenly, not wanting to hear his rejection. "I'm going to go take a nap. I assume you'll still be here when I wake up?"

He clenched his jaw. She could tell he wanted to say something, but she didn't want to hear it. She couldn't. Not now. Maybe not ever. She would be content to just live with him and raise their son together as co-parents and nothing more if she didn't have to hear his rejection.

He finally nodded, and she turned and walked back to her bedroom and kicked her shoes off before lying down. She was exhausted. She always was, but this seemed to be a more bone-deep tiredness that she'd only experienced while Red had been gone. She finally felt like she might be able to sleep more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time; knowing that he was back, and apparently had no plans to leave again.

She hugged her spare pillow to her body and closed her eyes. She fell asleep within minutes; content in the knowledge that she didn't have to worry about Red's or her own safety for the time being.

OOOOOO

It had been three weeks since their talk, and things were still cool between them. He had taken permanent residence on her couch, leaving Dembe to live on his own at his old place.

In the evenings, they often sat on the couch together and watched TV or a movie, but they continued to keep an emotional and physical distance that was both painful and incredibly frustrating to her. He was courteous, and was willing to talk to her at any time; but he acted like a friend. He only touched her if she asked for a back or foot massage, but his touches were platonic; he never took things too far. She had even gotten to the point where she began to touch him just because she needed to contact. Sometimes if they were sitting together, she would grab his hand and place it on her belly when their son was moving. He would smile softly, then remove his hand after a few moments and turn back to whatever he was doing at the time.

She was ready to scream.

That was where she found herself on another boring, predictable night. Red was reading a book on his iPad while she sat next to him watching a TV show that wasn't interesting in the least. Her feet and back ached from walking downtown earlier with Red to get some takeout, and she desperately wished he would offer to rub her feet. She glanced down at them and grimaced when she saw how swollen they were. She put them up on the coffee table and leaned forward as far as she could to massage her calves and ankles, but it wasn't helping much and only caused her back to hurt worse.

As she continued to lean over, she felt a hand on her back and his low voice. "Sweetheart, let me do that for you." She turned her head to find that his face was only inches from hers. She swallowed and glanced down at his lips before looking back up and nodding her consent; she wouldn't ever turn down a free massage, especially at his hands.

He set his iPad on the coffee table and patted his thighs for her put her legs on his lap. She sighed internally, but swung her legs up and over his. She wore loose-fitting athletic shorts and one of his white undershirts. Nothing of hers fit well anymore, so she had taken to raiding his suitcase for things to wear; he never said anything, so she assumed he didn't care.

She adjusted a pillow behind her head, then laid down and made herself comfortable before looking at him. He nodded at her, then began to deftly work his hands over her left foot. The man knew how to give a massage. He started at her toes, and worked his knuckles into the sole of her foot towards her heel. He moved his fingers to just above her heel and massaged the area there, then moved a few inches towards her toes and up towards the top of her foot; she began to feel the slow awakening of arousal and wondered why; but she figured it was just because she craved his touch so much.

He worked on that foot for a few more minutes until he said quietly, "How does that feel?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him with glazed eyes. This was the worst time possible for her hormones to kick in and make her sexually aroused. Not with him around and unwilling to do anything about it. Instead of telling him any of that, she nodded and mumbled, "Feels great."

He must have understood, because he took her other foot in his hands and began to work on that one as well. He did the same thing as before, and by the time he was finished she was ready to jump him. Every nerve in her body was aware of his fingers and what they were doing. Every small touch, every breath. It was too much.

She had a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing.

She sat up as quickly as she could and pulled her feet from his lap. He looked over at her with raised eyebrows.

"I know what you're doing, Red. That's not fair to me."

He shook his head and reached over to touch her knee. "I'm not doing anything, Lizzie. I'm just trying to help you feel better." His thumb moved in small circles over her kneecap, but she could see in his face that he had known exactly what he was doing.

She was sick of dancing around him. Sick of being distant from him. Sick of his games, or whatever they were to him.

"By making me sexually aroused?" She moved her leg further from him, and his hand fell to the cushion as she continued. "You say you want to be my protector and not my lover, yet you do things like that!" She gestured to her feet vaguely as she continued to glare at him.

"Lizzie, I never said I didn't want to be your lover. You didn't give me the chance to answer your question. Don't put this on me." His voice had lowered in anger as he held his body rigid.

He was right of course. She hadn't allowed him to speak when she probably should have. She was just so damn afraid of being rejected.

"So what are you saying then, Red?" She continued to stare at him, their bodies only feet apart, but their relationship once again teetering on the chasm that they had created themselves.

He threw his arms up in a very un-Red like display of emotion as words tumbled out of his mouth unhindered. "That I love you, dammit! How many times do I have to tell you that I want you in every way possible? Do I need to write it down and sign it in my blood? Chain myself to your bedpost? Ask you to marry me?" His voice had lowered at each question, to the point where she could barely hear him at the end. He was looking at her with hard eyes, but she could see vulnerability behind the mask. He was afraid she was going to reject him just as much as she was afraid that he was going to reject her.

They were so stupid.

She leaned over and touched his hand that was clenched on his thigh. "Did you mean it?"

He brought his other hand up and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Mean what, Lizzie?" He sounded tired and defeated.

"That you want to marry me?"

His hand froze on his face. She had surprised him. She liked when that happened.

He slowly turned his head towards her, his face unreadable. "And if I did?"

She sat back and stared at his iPad resting on the coffee table. "Then I would say yes," she said quietly.

He sighed, but she didn't look at his face. She didn't want to see his blank mask. "Lizzie, we have so many things to work through. So many issues that need to be resolved."

"I know," she whispered, clenching and unclenching her fist at her side.

He stood up and held a hand out for her to take. She glanced at it, then sat for another few seconds before taking it and letting him pull her up. He pulled her into an embrace, burying his face in her hair and clutching her to him tightly.

She rested her face against his and wrapped her arms around him. He moved his lips to her cheek, then kissed his way up to her ear and said quietly, "Let's save the marriage discussion for later." His breath warmed her insides.

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded; they were nowhere near ready for marriage. They stayed like that for another few minutes until she pulled away and grabbed his hand. "Let's go to bed, Red."

He allowed her to lead him to her room, then let her remove his vest, tie, dress shirt and trousers; leaving him in just a pair of black silk boxers. She ran her hand up his bare chest lightly, memorizing the feel of his soft chest hair; his only reaction was a slight quickening of his breath across her cheek, but he didn't move to touch her.

She finished her exploration, then while still avoiding his eyes, stepped backwards and sat down on her bed. He sat down next to her, then she watched as he moved over to the other side and patted the area in front of him. She didn't know what to expect, but she trusted him; more than she thought possible.

She laid down in front of him, then watched as he pulled the blanket up to her waist and ran his fingers over her belly softly.

They had yet to speak a word in her bedroom.

He moved his fingers back down and reached the hem of her t-shirt, then pulled it up over her belly to bunch just under her breasts. His fingers moving over her bare skin was an experience that she would never be able describe to someone if they asked. She only word she could come up with was: _Right_.

He leaned his head close to her belly, and she reached up and moved her fingernails over his short-cropped hair. He sighed, his warm breath moving over her skin, then placed a soft kiss right above her belly button. He turned his head towards her and said, "May I?"

She didn't know what he was asking permission for, but she didn't care. She had him. In her bed. Kissing her pregnant belly. She wondered if she was dreaming..or hallucinating.

Instead of asking what, she simply nodded her consent.

He gave her a small smile, then placed his ear against her belly. His stubble and short hair tickled her sensitive skin, but she didn't care as she watched his facial expressions with interest. He looked fascinated, wary, and curious all at the same time; it was a sight to see.

Their baby must have been asleep, because she didn't feel any movement, and he moved away a minute or two later and laid down next to her on his back with a sigh.

She looked at him and reached over to squeeze his fingers. "Nothing?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "No matter. We'll try again soon."

Her heart warmed at the thought, but then she remembered how many issues they still had to work out and knew she wasn't ready for anything intimate to happen between them that night. They had to work up to something like that. They hadn't even kissed in almost a month, and that kiss had been short and unfullfilling.

She turned her body with quite a bit of effort and curled herself into his side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, as she reached down and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders, then laid her arm across his stomach and sighed contentedly. His scent was comforting, and she instantly felt the pull of sleep overtake her.

Just as she reached the edge of sleep, she felt him kiss her temple and mumble something against her skin that sounded a lot like, "Finally." But she wasn't sure, and didn't think anything more of it as she drifted off.

Things were definitely beginning to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I've been working through some writer's block, so that's why it's taking me forever to get chapters out. I'm sorry for that. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, I truly do appreciate it. I would love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Thanks again to FrostyFingers for her help working through my writer's block.


	11. Chapter 11

"What do you think about Jeremy?"

Liz opened her eyes blearily, then rolled in his embrace and yawned into his neck. "What?" She said, her voice muffled by his shirt.

She had been asleep and having one of the best dreams she'd had in months. She wanted to be mad that he'd woken her, but she didn't want to start another argument so early in the morning; besides, the dream was already fading from her memory as she stifled another yawn into his shoulder.

She was tired.

It had been an emotional few weeks, and as much progress as they had made the day before, there were still going to be hard times ahead. Nothing was ever going to be easy when you were in love with a wanted criminal. She kept her nose in his shirt and inhaled the faint scent of cologne that still clung to him. She'd missed that smell; it comforted her, which was ironic because he caused so much angst and drama in her life.

When Red didn't repeat his question, she pulled her head off his shoulder so she could look him in the eye. He was looking at her with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes; she didn't have the energy to ask him why, so she just raised an eyebrow in question. He huffed a quiet laugh and brought his left hand over to smooth it over the top of her head. Her hair must be a tangled mess. She didn't care.

"I've been lying here for the past hour trying to think of names for the baby. Have you put any thought into it?" The expression on his face was soft and loving as he looked at her, his eyelashes glowing in the soft morning light coming through the gaps in the blinds.

She smiled lazily and laid back down on his shoulder, then trailed her hand over his abdomen. "I haven't really thought about it seriously. But I do know I want him to have your last name." The second part was said quietly; she didn't know how he would react.

He swallowed noticeably and brought his hand up to run his fingers over her forearm that was still lying on his stomach. When he didn't say anything for another few moments, her face went red. She was glad he couldn't see her as she attempted to backtrack. "Of course, if you would rather not do that, I'll just-"

"Lizzie," he paused, his voice full of emotion. "I would be honored. Truly." His voice cracked at the end as he trailed off. She smiled and closed her eyes in relief as she gave him a minute to get his emotions back under control.

She moved her hand and put it over his heart. She never wanted to move from where she was again. She loved the feeling of contentment that washed over her; she hadn't experienced that for months.

"So just so you know, I don't like Jeremy." Her face scrunched up in dislike as she nuzzled her nose into his jaw. His stubble was scratchy, but she found that she enjoyed the feeling. She'd always liked it when men went two or three days without shaving; Red was no exception, though she had rarely ever seen him like this.

He shrugged his opposite shoulder and leaned his head towards her. "Really? I've always liked that name."

She shook her head and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Sorry, but no."

"Ah well, what would you suggest?" She really hadn't thought about it, because thinking about it made things too real, and she hadn't wanted to think too closely about the baby, because he only reminded her of Red; and that had been too painful.

She rolled away and onto her back, then stretched her arms over her head and her legs and toes straight out. It felt good, until she felt the inevitable twinge of a charley horse. She quickly pulled her right leg back and groaned quietly. "Not again," she mumbled as she sat up slowly and began to massage her calf. It didn't help as the pain only intensified. She couldn't help the small whimper that escaped through her lips.

Red sat up next to her and put his hand in-between her shoulder blades. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She closed her eyes in pain and didn't bother to say anything as tears began to leak out of the corner of her eyes. She'd always had calf cramps, but since she'd been pregnant, they had been so much worse. Nothing she did seemed to help, and the doctor had told her that she was just going to have to endure them.

"Cramp," she said through clenched teeth as the pain finally began to dissipate. He moved forward and sat in front of her, then grabbed her calf and began to massage it. She moved to pull away, but he held on tighter and shook his head. "Just let me do this for you, Lizzie. Quit being so damn combative about everything."

She opened her mouth to protest, but his fingers instantly helped ease the pain in her calf, so she closed her mouth and laid back on her elbows so she could observe him through half-lidded eyes. He was so focused on her calf that he didn't notice. She watched as the sunlight played over the skin on his shoulders. She could just make out the smattering of freckles that ran across both shoulders. She wondered if he was self-conscious about them, or if he even cared. There were so many things she didn't know about him that she wanted to know. He was such a closed book; but she vowed to eventually get answers to many things.

The muscles in his arms and shoulders flexed and un-flexed as his hands continued to move over her calf. He was muscular, and it surprised her; she didn't know if he worked out, or he was naturally like that, but she didn't care either way. He was a good-looking man.

He glanced up to see her staring and shook his head. "What?" He said good-naturedly.

She smiled and changed the subject. "So baby names."

His switched legs and began massaging her other calf. "You didn't like my suggestions." It was a statement, not a question.

She narrowed her eyebrows and scoffed. "You gave me one name, Red. One. That doesn't mean-"

He was grinning, clearly trying to rile her up. She closed her mouth and glared at him. "I swear, if you weren't so good at giving massages I would kick your ass out the door." She laid down on the bed completely and sighed as he hit a particularly sore spot.

"Glad I'm good for something then. I need to earn my keep." He moved further up her leg and continued.

"Yes, you do," she mumbled as she tried to think of names. Nothing she thought of sounded all that good to her.

"Derrick?" She pulled a pillow under her head and tried to smooth her hair down further.

His fingers paused. "Derrick Reddington? I don't particularly like that."

She scrunched her nose. "Me neither."

Red's hands moved up to her thigh and began kneading the muscles. He had to lean closer to her, and she couldn't help but run her fingers through his chest hair. He paused for a moment, then looked at her with his head tilted to the side as he bit his lip; his expression contemplative.

She pulled her hand back and smiled sheepishly, then brought up another name to break the tension.

"Umm..Jacob?" He didn't look up as he moved up her thigh. She tried not to react as she continued to throw out names. "Riley, Jaden, Brock, Jase-"

Red cut her off with his lips on hers. She was so surprised that it took her a moment to react, but she finally did and reached her hand up behind his neck and scratched her nails over the short hairs as he moved his lips over hers. He had a hand on each of her thighs and was slowly moving them upwards as they kissed. Just as his fingertips grazed the waistband of her panties, he pulled back from her lips and kissed the side of her mouth, then her jaw as he whispered, "How about Scott?"

She brought up her other arm and pulled him closer. Since he couldn't lie on top of her, he moved to the side and let her pull him to her body. He laid his head on her breast, but didn't move to take things further as she tried to catch her breath and think over his suggestion. She felt light-headed, and oh so turned on. It had been months since she'd kissed him properly, and had forgotten how good of a kisser he was.

She wanted to do nothing more than drag his face back up to hers and kiss him senseless; or vice-versa, but names were more important at the moment.

Scott Reddington. She liked that. It was a strong name; something that their little boy was going to have to be with parents like them.

She moved her fingertips over his scalp, enjoying the feel of his short hair on the pads of her fingers. She finally caught her breath and said, "I like that name actually. A lot."

He moved his head from where it rested and looked at her with serious eyes. "That was my great-grandfather's name. He was good man; it only went downhill from there."

She swatted his shoulder lightly. "Stop it. I don't want to hear about how you don't think you're a good man. I don't believe it."

He sighed and laid his head back down, then moved his fingers lightly over her belly. The baby was still asleep, but she didn't mind the intimate way his fingers moved over her. He was practically telegraphing his thoughts. She knew he was trying to convince himself that he wasn't good enough for her, and that he didn't deserve to be happy.

She needed to distract him. "How about Scott Carter Reddington?" His fingers stopped as he thought over her suggestion.

"I like that. I think we have a winner."

"Ding, ding, ding," she said teasingly, then patted his head. "I need to pee. Get off."

He rolled off and flopped onto his side of the bed as she sat up with a moan. It was getting harder and harder to move around, and knew it was only going to get worse. She still had almost ten weeks left.

She stood up and did her business in the bathroom, then walked back in to see him changing his clothes. He was buckling his belt as she sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. "Where are you going?"

He grimaced and looked away. "I have a meeting that I'm required to attend."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued, "I'll only be gone for a short while, Lizzie."

"The last time you said "A short while" you were gone for weeks. How long is a short while, Red?"

He walked over to the closet where his suits hung and took out a white shirt. "I'll be back tomorrow."

She sighed heavily. "Why am I just now hearing about this?"

He slid his shirt on and began buttoning it. "I only just remembered." He glanced at his watch. "I need to be there in forty minutes." He pulled a blue tie off of his tie hanger and hung it around his collar as he moved to sit down on the chair next to the bed to put his shoes on.

She watched him finish, not really knowing what to say. Clearly nothing was going to convince him to stay. "I thought you were finished with this stuff."

He stood up and slid his black vest on. "Sweetheart, can we not do this right now? I'm going to be late."

She stood and walked over to him. "Fine." She grabbed his tie and began tying it for him. She'd done it many times for Sam and Tom. "But we're going to have that discussion when you get back."

He kept his hands to his sides as she finished the knot, then tucked it under his buttoned up vest. He didn't agree, but he didn't disagree as he cupped her face and leaned forward to kiss her softly; his lips warm and dry. He pulled back and plucked his fedora off of the dresser, then stepped back and picked his suit jacket up from the back of the chair. "I'll see you tomorrow. You have nothing to be worried about. Dembe will come over tonight and stay with you."

She nodded, but didn't say anything, because if she did it would only cause an argument. She watched as he gathered everything else he needed, then she followed him to the door. He opened it, then looked back at her. "I love you. Stay safe."

"I love you too, Red. Be careful. Don't forget that you're needed here." She was still worried about him leaving her now that she had him because he didn't feel like he deserved her or the baby.

He leaned forward and kissed her once more, then turned and walked through the door; shutting it firmly behind him.

Her shoulders sagged as she glanced around her quiet apartment. She couldn't help but worry about him, and knew it wasn't going to be a good day if all she did was sit around and worry for his safety.

Her phone pinged from the other room, indicating that she had a text message. She furrowed her eyebrows and walked slowly into the room and picked the phone up from the bedside table. She didn't know who it would be. Only a few people had her number.

She unlocked the screen, then frowned further as she saw that it was from Thomas.

**Meet me for lunch where we went on our first date...in an hour?**

Why would he be texting her? It had been weeks since she'd spoken to him. Did she meet him or ignore him? She was afraid that if she didn't reply, that he would come looking for her. She would rather meet him in a public place. She would be careful, and Red would never have to know. She needed to let Thomas know that she didn't want him to contact her any longer. He was sweet. He would understand. Wouldn't he?

**Sure. See you there. :)**

She threw her phone on the bed and moved to get ready. Maybe today wouldn't be boring after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know..another cliffie. It wouldn't be one of my fics without one right? ;)..lots of fluff though..so you can't complain..haha..thanks for reading, and I would love to hear what you think! Thanks sooo much for the all the reviews/follows/favs..I appreciate them more than you all know. Have a good day!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a medical expert, so please don't flame me if I get something wrong. I tried to research what I could, but I'm not perfect. ;)

Liz nervously smoothed her dress over her stomach as she walked down the street towards the restaurant to meet Thomas. She kept glancing over her shoulder expecting Red to show up and ask her what the hell she was thinking. She knew it wasn't smart to see Thomas again, but she needed to tell him in person that there was no chance of her changing her mind; that she loved the father of her baby. She smiled at the thought. She felt bad that she had essentially used Thomas to get over Red, but that plan had failed spectacularly, and now she was dealing with a two potentially dangerous men. The only difference being she knew that Red would never harm her, while Thomas was an unknown.

She reached the restaurant five minutes early and decided to go inside and get a table while she waited for him to show up. She was shown to a table in the corner where she could watch the door, then ordered a water and told the waiter she was waiting for someone. They brought her her water minutes later and she sipped it as she glanced at her watch. Thomas was late.

She dug her phone out and checked to make sure he hadn't tried to call or message her. Nothing. Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes. Forty-five minutes passed, and during that time, the waiter had come by three times to fill up her water. She had also become progressively angry as he continued to stand her up. Why message her to meet him if he wasn't going to show up?

Another fifteen minutes passed without him showing up and she decided enough was enough. She'd waited longer than she should have, and she was pissed. She picked up her phone and typed out a quick text to him.

I'm not waiting any longer. Don't contact me again.

Liz pushed send and stood up slowly; her back ached from sitting in a hard chair for so long. She used the bathroom, then walked out of the restaurant and pulled her coat tightly around her. There frigid wind that met her was uncharacteristic for this time of the year. She glanced up and noted the dark clouds beginning to move over the sun. She shivered and began to walk back towards her house. She kept feeling like she was being watched, but unlike before, it felt menacing this time. She quickened her pace as the temperature continued to drop and the wind whipped her hair around her face.

Thankfully, she reached her house without incident and dug her keys out of her pocket with numb fingers. She opened the door and sighed when the warm air of her apartment hit her face. She quickly closed the door behind her and locked the deadbolt, then shrugged her coat off and turned to hang it on the hook by the door. That's when she saw a shadowy figure sitting on her couch.

She let out an involuntary noise of fear and flicked on the light. It was Dembe.

Liz put her hand over her heart and tried to speak as the cold grip of fear began to loosen its hold on her throat. "Dembe," she choked out and bent over to pick up her coat from where she'd dropped it. "What are you doing here?"

Dembe didn't smile or greet her. In fact, he looked angry. "Where have you been, Liz?"

She turned and busied herself with her coat while trying to come up with something to say. She couldn't tell him she had went to meet up with a scorned ex-lover, but she was a terrible liar. So she had to be careful. She turned around and approached him, pretending to adjust the sleeves of her shirt to avoid eye contact. "I went down the street to get some lunch. I was hungry and nothing here was appealing." She put on her most innocent smile and sat down next to him, then put her feet up on the coffee table.

His facial expression didn't change as he leaned forward to study her. "Why are you avoiding looking at me then? What are you hiding, Elizabeth?"

She frowned and looked at him angrily. "What's with the twenty questions? I'm an adult, I can do what I want without you or Red treating me like a child."

Dembe sighed and sat back again. "I'm only doing what Raymond asked of me. Don't shoot the messenger."

She grimaced. "Well you need to tell "Raymond" that can stop being so paranoid. I'm fine. I'm pregnant, not an invalid." She picked up the remote that rested on the arm of the couch and flipped the TV on to fill the awkward silence. She turned it to the Game Show Network and tried to concentrate on the program, but constantly found her mind wandering back to Thomas and why he had stood her up. That wasn't like him, and it bothered her. Was he stalking her? Did Red have something to do with it?"

She sat up a little straighter and turned to Dembe, who was staring at the screen with glazed eyes. "Dembe, where's Red?"

He blinked and looked at her. "He had a meeting that he insisted he needed to attend. He refused to tell me anything else and told me to protect you."

She had a sneaking suspicion that Red had something to do with Thomas' disappearance. She pulled her phone out of her pants pocket and pushed number one on the speed dial (he'd come a long way since being number seven). It rang a few times, then went straight to voice mail. She sighed in frustration and tossed the phone on the coffee table. Dembe looked at her with raised eyebrows, but she didn't try to explain. She was sick of explaining herself. Her stomach rumbled. She was hungry, but she'd just told Dembe she had already eaten, so she laid her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes. She would try to sleep so she could ignore how hungry she was, but the baby was practicing kick boxing on her kidneys.

She sighed. It was going to be a long day with a pissed off Dembe and an absent Red.

OOOOOO

That night she dreamt of Red doing horrible things to Thomas, then disappearing never to be heard from again. She woke up with a racing heart and in a cold sweat, and never could quite fall back to sleep again. So she just laid there on her side and stared out the window lost in thought. She was officially thirty one weeks pregnant as of today. Only eight or nine more weeks. She was more than ready to be done. She watched as the sky slowly brightened through thin slats of the blinds and glanced over at the clock; 6:00 AM. She'd only slept two hours.

She heard the front door open then close and wondered if Red was back. She hoped he was so she could ask him about Thomas. A few minutes later, her bedroom door opened quietly. She didn't turn around so she wouldn't give herself away that she was still awake. Footsteps made their way towards her bed, but then stopped at the foot. She heard soft breathing, but no other sounds; it was odd. Red should be undressing or at least removing his shoes.

She rolled onto her back and squinted into the dark room at the shadow in front of her. It was too tall to be Red. Her heart began to race as she turned to reach for the bedside lamp. "Stop right there."

Her hand halted mid-air as she immediately recognized the voice. Thomas.

"Wha-", she cleared her dry throat, "What are you doing here?"

He laughed quietly and moved towards her so she could see him better. He looked menacing, and looked an awful lot like Tom had when she'd seen him for what he really was.

Thomas leaned down so he could look her in the eye. "I came to take you away. I know you don't really love that other man. You're just staying because you're afraid of him." His English had improved dramatically.

She suddenly remembered Dembe and her breathing became ragged. "What did you do to Dembe?" She prayed that he hadn't killed him.

"He is unconscious and tied up. He's not a very good bodyguard now is he?" He laughed again. The sound terrified her.

"Look, Thomas..I-"

He cut her off, "Shh, shh, shh. I want you to stand up and get dressed. We need to leave soon. Our flight leaves in two hours."

His face was shrouded in darkness again so she couldn't see him well, but his voice scared her more than anything. "No, I don't want to go."

He suddenly reached forward and grabbed her bicep and yanked her upright. She winced in pain as his fingers held on to her arm painfully, his fingers digging into her flesh. "Well too damn bad. You're coming."

He pulled her up, and that's when she saw the glint of a gun in his other hand, and it was pointed at her head. She hastily wiped a few stray tears off of her face and said, "Fine, but you need to let me go so I can get dressed." She didn't know what else to do. She didn't want to do anything to harm the baby, and she didn't know what Thomas was capable of. She was seeing a side of him that she hadn't thought possible.

He let her go, but dug the barrel of the gun in the small of her back as she made her way towards the closet in the dark. She knew the room like the back of her hand, so she wasn't worried about tripping, and she could hopefully use that towards her advantage.

She reached the closet and opened it, then walked inside and pulled one of Red's white undershirts (his t-shirts were the only shirts that fit her these days) and a pair of black yoga pants down off the shelf. She had just placed them there yesterday, and was happy that she didn't have to turn on a light to find something.

She turned around and looked at him. "I need to change, and you need to leave."

Her eyes had finally adjusted enough that she could see his face. His grin was cold and leering. "I don't think so. Now change!" He yelled.

She flinched, then shakily pulled her sleep pants down and her white tank top over her head leaving her in only a pair of blue panties. She hardly bothered with bras these days because her breasts were so tender.

He openly stared at her body as she pulled on her pants, then the t-shirt. When she finished, she put her hands on her hips and looked at him. "Now what?"

He took a step back and gestured with his gun that she should walk in front of him. "Now we leave."

She was running out of time, she needed to do something now, because if she didn't she probably wouldn't ever see Red or Dembe again. That couldn't happen.

"I need shoes."

He sighed loudly. "Fine, but hurry. If you try anything I'll go and put a bullet in your bodyguard's knee."

Liz winced at the thought, but she didn't see that she had much choice. She sat down on the chair by the dresser and felt around for her shoes. Her fingers landed on one of Red's dress shoes. They were heavy and her best chance to get out of this situation. She found her own tennis shoes and slipped them on, then pretended that she couldn't tie the laces. "I can't tie my shoes."

She hoped he wasn't smart enough to catch on. "You don't need your shoes tied."

Dammit. She searched for a reason. "Yes I do. I don't want to trip on the laces while we're walking and fall down and go into labor. That would put a kink in your plans."

She could practically hear him rolling his eyes. He set the gun on the dresser, then said, "Put your leg up. I'm not going to kneel down."

She raised her leg up as far as she could and watched as he bent over her shoe. She allowed him to tie this one, then as she set that foot down, she reached down carefully and picked up Red's shoe from the floor as Thomas bent over her other raised foot. She would need to get a good swing in.

As soon as his fingers busied themselves with her laces, she moved as fast as she could and swung the shoe at his temple with her right hand. She heard a sickening crunch as Thomas crumpled to the floor in a heap, unconscious. That's when she felt a warm wetness between her legs and a horrible pain in her abdomen.

She stood up in fear, worried that the placenta might have ripped from the uterine wall or something equally as horrible. She flipped the light on and blinked at the sudden brightness. Her eyes finally adjusted, and she pulled down her pants and looked down reluctantly, bracing herself for blood.

There wasn't blood, but it wasn't urine either. The liquid was clear; her water had broken. She was in labor.

No, no, no, no. It was too early. She bent over in pain as another, what she assumed was a contraction, overwhelmed her. As the contraction passed a few moments later she looked down at Thomas to see that he hadn't moved, and that blood was trickling from his temple. He had a welt the size of a shoe on his head. She couldn't bring herself to care if he was alive at the moment. All she could think about was the well-being of her unborn child.

She peeled her pants and panties off of her and grabbed a towel to dry her legs off, then she pulled on a pair of athletic shorts without underwear and made her way slowly into the living room. She didn't see Dembe anywhere and wondered where he was. She spotted her phone still lying on the coffee table and breathed out a sigh of relief. She sat down heavily on the couch and picked it up, then dialed Red's number again.

He picked up on the second ring. "Lizzie, I-

"Red," she cried agonizingly, "I'm in labor."

"What? How?" He sounded panicked.

"Thomas," she breathed out as another contraction hit her and she grunted in pain.

"I'll be there in ten minutes, sweetheart. Where's Dembe?"

"Don't know," she gritted out as wave after wave of pain rolled over her.

"I'll be there shortly. Hold on, Lizzie."

She hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch as she tried to breath through the pain like they taught in the books while praying that her baby was ok.

OOOOOO

Red burst through the door eight minutes later and immediately spotted Liz on the couch moaning in pain.

He ran over to her and touched her leg. "Lizzie."

She opened her eyes and looked at him fearfully. "Red, we have to go to the hospital."

He nodded and picked her up from the couch, the adrenaline coursing through his veins making it easy.

"I already called them. They're expecting us."

She nodded weakly and laid her head on his shoulder as he hurried out to the car. He placed her in the passenger seat, then as he pulled her seat belt around her she suddenly remembered Thomas. "What about, Thomas?"

"I've already notified the authorities. They should be here shortly."

She closed her eyes as another contraction began. They were coming close together now. She wasn't sure if they were going to make it to the hospital.

Red drove faster than he should have, but they made it to the hospital in under ten minutes; which she was eternally grateful for. During the drive over she kept having the urge to push, but she continued to resist as he pulled in to the ER entrance.

Doctors and nurses rushed out to meet them. They opened her door and began to ask her questions in heavily accented English. How long ago did your water break? How far along are you? What were you doing at the time of your water breaking? How close together are your contractions?

She tried to answer them as best she could, but the pain continually distracted her. They laid her on a gurney and she listened to the doctors and nurses speak to each other as they wheeled her in. "Her contractions are too close together to stop labor, she's dilated to a eight", "The baby's lungs won't be developed properly", "We need to do a C-section, the baby isn't turned."

She couldn't take the stress as her heart rate skyrocketed. All she wanted was for her baby to be ok.

"Ma'am, you need to take deep breaths. Your blood pressure is dangerously high."

She nodded and took deep gulping breaths as they wheeled her into surgery prep. They undressed her and helped her into a gown, then gave her an epidural. She continually asked for Red, but they told her that he was filling out her paperwork. She didn't give a damn about paperwork, she needed him.

Once she couldn't feel the lower half of her body, they wheeled her into the OR and draped a curtain in front of her face so she couldn't see what they were doing.

Red was finally allowed in before they began. She blurted out before he could even sit down, "Red, I don't know what's going on. No one will tell me anything."

He sat down on the chair next to her head dressed in a ridiculous sterile outfit and wiped the tears off of her cheeks. "I was told the baby's heart rate is too low, and that they're worried about his lung development. As soon as they take him out, they'll give him steroids to help develop his lungs, then they'll take him to NICU."

She nodded and held back the sob that threatened as she gripped his hand tightly. There was no use in crying, it would only distress the baby further.

The doctor's worked quickly, and she listened as they spoke in German. Red whispered in her ear what they were saying, and when he told her they had taken the baby out she smiled widely, only to be replaced quickly by a frown when she saw Red's facial expression.

"What is it?"

He swallowed and looked at her. "He's not breathing."

She heard shuffling and raised voices as they took him away to work on him. Red continued to translate for her in a strained voice. All she could do was lay there and cry.

After a few minutes, he breathed a sigh of relief. "He's breathing."

She moved her hand up and ran her fingers over the top of his head as he leaned his forehead down next to her. She knew their baby had a long way to go, but as long as he was breathing he had a chance.

The doctor came into view and tried to smile. "We had a hard time getting him to breathe at first, but he's now breathing with the help of oxygen. His lungs aren't fully developed, so we're going to give him steroids in hopes that we can wean him off the oxygen in twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

"Everything else is ok with him?"

The doctor nodded. "He seems ok, but he'll have to be in the NICU for a few days at least. After we have you sown up, we'll take you to see him."

She closed her eyes in relief and thanked the doctor, then he turned to finish up with her. She turned to Red to see tears in his eyes looking blankly at the wall in front of him. She squeezed his shoulder to get his attention. "I want you to go to him."

"Lizzie-"

She cut him off. "No, go. I'll be fine."

He nodded reluctantly, then leaned over her and kissed her softly. He ran his hand over her cheek and sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. It was selfish for me to leave."

She shook her head. "Now isn't the time to discuss it. Go stay with our son, and I'll see you soon."

He kissed her once more, then turned to leave. She caught his hand. "Have you heard anything about Dembe?"

"Yes, he was outside speaking on the phone when Thomas snuck up behind him and hit him over the head, then tied him up and dragged him to his van. Other than a headache, he'll be ok."

She smiled at the good news, the squeezed his fingers and watched him walk away, but he stopped and turned back once again. "Oh, and in case you were wondering. Thomas was alive but still unconscious when the authorities arrived. You'll need to give the police your statement when you're up to it. Good thinking on your feet, Lizzie," he said proudly, then turned and walked out.

The doctor finished with her soon after, then they moved her to another bed and wheeled her to her room. She wanted to see their baby more than anything, but she couldn't walk on her own, and they didn't seem inclined to take her to see the baby as the doctor had promised.

Over an hour passed as she tried to tell the nurses that she wanted to see her son, but they mostly ignored her pleas and went about their business. She was furious.

Red walked through the door with a small smile on his face, but it quickly faded when he saw how angry she was. "Lizzie, What's wrong?"

She glared at him. "They keep refusing to let me see our son."

Red turned on his heel without another word. She laid her head back down and sighed as she stared at the ceiling waiting for him to return.

Minutes later a nurse walked in with Red close behind. She looked annoyed, but said in a pleasant voice, "I've been instructed to help you into a wheelchair so you can see your baby."

Liz nodded, then found herself being wheeled towards the NICU moments later with Red at her side. She couldn't wait to see what their son looked like.

They entered a room that had five or six glass covered stations that were used for babies who needed more time to develop. They were wheeled to one in the back closest to the nurses station. The others were empty. They stopped on the side of the pod and Liz straightened up to see their son. He was tiny, weighing in at only four pounds, but he was perfect. He had light brown hair with long eyelashes like his father, and had all ten fingers and toes. Liz couldn't help but let her tears loose as she looked at him. Red crouched down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him as he put his mouth by her ear and whispered that he loved her. She reached over and clasped his free hand tightly as they stared at the tiny miracle that they created by accident, but was no less loved because of it.

Scott Carter Reddington was going to have a different life, but a good one all the same. She didn't know if they would ever return to the states, but as long as she had Red and Scott with her, she didn't care where they lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it folks. I might write an epilogue if people are interested. I've had so much fun writing this story, and I really appreciate each and every one of my readers. You guys are the absolute best. Let me know about the epilogue and what you think about the ending. Have a great day! :)


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set 3 years later

"Yes, momma!" Yelled three year old Scott while lying on the kitchen floor near Liz, who was cleaning the counter off. He was in the middle of an all out meltdown because Liz wouldn't let him go to the Post Office with her so she could work on a case.

After she'd given birth, Scott had stayed in the NICU for almost a month because of various health issues. After they had finally released him, fully healthy if not a little small, Liz had told Red that she wanted to go home. Meaning back to America, and hopefully back to the FBI. Red had been hesitant at first, but Liz had eventually convinced him and they had moved back the next month. Convincing the FBI not to arrest the both of them on sight had been an entirely different matter, and they'd come close to losing everything until Red gave the FBI one of their most wanted criminals on a silver platter. After that, they had readily agreed to let them rejoin the task force and resume working on his blacklist.

Liz had told the FBI that she wanted to work behind the scenes, mainly doing grunt work and paperwork. Scott was the most important person in her life besides Red, and she didn't want to risk him losing both of his parents if a job went south. They'd agreed to it only on the condition, that Red remain an part of the task force. Since then, everything had gone relatively well until recently.

She and Red had been fighting a lot lately. It seemed to her that he was putting himself in dangerous situations more often, and seemingly on purpose, but when she had confronted him about it, he'd laughed off her concern and told her that was "preposterous". They'd had their worst argument in years after that, and since then their relationship had cooled considerably. He was still around, but he didn't touch her or kiss her like she was used to. It had been over three weeks since they'd last made love. That was the longest they'd ever gone, by far. She was at her wit's end.

With him.

With Scott.

With the FBI.

Red had been gone the last week, only coming home to pack a bag and tell her he'd be back in a "few days". When she'd asked him how long a few days would be, he had ignored her and walked over to give Scott a hug, then walked out the door without a word. That's when she realized that they were in trouble, and she was going to have to be the one to fix it; because he never would. He was a man, and he was Raymond Reddington; not a good combination for talking about feelings. She hadn't heard from Red the entire week and she missed him, a lot.

"Momma!" Scott cried again, breaking her out of her troubling thoughts. She quickly finished up her cleaning and looked down at him. His face was red and puffy with snot dribbling out of his nose. He actually looked a lot like Red at that moment, and she felt a pang of longing for her...whatever he was. Partner? Boyfriend? Lover? Husband, even? He had a lot of labels, but right now she just wanted the man back in her life.

"Scott, baby, you know I can't take you into work. It's too dangerous." She bent down and picked him up, then grabbed a tissue and wiped his face free of the tears and snot. He sniffled and stuck his bottom lip out. "I wan' dadda, momma."

Liz felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes as she silently agreed with the kid. She wanted him in the worst way. She opened her mouth to say something, but her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. Frowning, she pulled it out and saw that it was Ressler. "Milhoan."

"Liz, we need you here at headquarters right now." He sounded anxious.

She sighed. "Ress, you know that I have Scott. I can't just leave and-"

He cut her off. "Just bring him. The blacklister we've been searching for for weeks was just hand-delivered to our front door. He's being stubborn of course, so we need you here to help. You're one of our best interrogators." That much was true. Since she didn't go out on cases anymore, she used her profiling skills and psychiatric background to play with criminals' minds and garner confessions. It was actually pretty fun, and she was good at it.

"Who's going to watch Scott then? I can't just let him wander around." She stuck the phone in-between her shoulder and ear and ran her fingers through Scott's dark brown hair as she hugged him to her. He was tired enough from his tantrum that he cuddled up to her and burrowed his head on her shoulder.

Ressler sighed. "We have people here who can watch him. Scott knows a lot of the agents here, and you know they love him to death." He was right. After they'd returned to the FBI, it had taken a long time for people to accept that Red and Liz were in a relationship, and that they had a child together. They had had to endure stares and whispered conversation for months,. Eventually the whispering and staring had dissipated as people came to accept that they obviously couldn't change anything. After that, they'd warmed right up to Liz and Scott. He was now everyone's favorite at the PO, and Scott was spoiled rotten when they saw him. She avoided taking him to headquarters if possible, but sometimes she didn't have a choice. Like today.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, but you better find someone to watch him before I get there."

"That won't be a problem," he said and hung up before she could say anything else.

Liz set Scott on the counter and made sure he was still completely dressed (he loved to take his clothes off and run around naked, much like his father). Satisfied with his appearance, she smiled at him and rubbed her thumb over his cheek. "Looks like you're going to get your wish, little man. You want to come with mommy to work?"

Scott smiled widely and nodded. "Yes, yes pwease? Dadda too?"

Liz's smiled faded as she shook her head. "Daddy is still gone. He'll be back soon, I promise."

His smile dimmed a little, but he held his arms out for her to pick him up. She complied and hauled his diaper bag over her shoulder (they were having a hell of a time potty training him), then grabbed her car keys and walked out to her silver Mercedes. Red had tried to convince her to get another car, but she loved this one and had refused him every time he asked. He had eventually given up.

She buckled Scott in his carseat, then slid into the car herself and pulled away from the curb and into traffic.

OOOOOO

Liz hustled into headquarters with Scott on her hip. It was boiling hot outside, and she felt like a frumpy housewife as she noticed how all the women she passed were impeccably dressed and had perfect hair. She wished she had time to make herself look like that these days, but Scott kept her busy most of the time, and with Red being absent so much lately she had felt like a single mother. She didn't know how single mothers did everything by themselves all the time, but she admired them even more so now.

Liz found Ressler in his office studying his computer screen. She clung onto Scott as he tried to lunge forward when he saw him. "Ressy! Hi!" Liz laughed every time at Scott's nickname for him. It never failed to amuse her.

Ressler stood up from behind his desk and smiled at Scott. "Hey, Scotty. How's it going?" He pretended to steal his nose and throw it away in the trash. This was a familiar routine, but Scott loved it.

"I good. I miss my dadda." He jutted his bottom lip out again.

Ressler reached forward and ruffled his hair. "Well you're in luck. Guess who's here?"

Liz furrowed her eyebrows and stared hard at Ressler. "Red's here?"

Ressler looked surprised that she didn't know and nodded. "He's the one who lured the blacklister here so we could arrest him. I'm surprised you didn't know."

Liz sniffed and looked around nonchalantly. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him today yet. I'm sure he's been busy and didn't think to call." No way in hell was she going to tell him that she hadn't heard from Red in days.

Ressler shrugged and said, "He's with Cooper now, but he'll be finished soon. I'm assuming he'll be able to watch Scott while you do your thing?"

She nodded warily and followed Ressler out of his office and towards the interrogation rooms. She dug through her diaper bag with her free hand and pulled out a baggie of goldfish for Scott to eat so he would be distracted.

As they walked down the hallway, people gave Scott high-fives and called out to him the entire way. Scott loved every second of it. She had a wide grin on her face as they rounded the corner. The smile froze on her face when she saw Red standing with his back to her flirting with one of the blonde, leggy secretaries that worked at the PO. Apparently he was finished with his meeting. She'd never felt more frumpy in her life.

She cleared her throat, trying not to jump to conclusions, but failing miserably. She felt tears threaten as Red turned with a smile on his face. His smile froze in similar fashion as he saw her, Scott and Ressler staring at him.

Scott broke the awkward tension. "Dadda!" He screamed loudly and lunged for him. Red quickly recovered and caught him before he could wriggle himself out of Liz's arms. Red hugged him tightly and spoke quietly in his ear. Liz temporarily forget what she'd just witnessed and felt her ire disappear as Scott laughed and wrapped his arms around Red's neck.

After a few moments, Red looked up to see that they were all still staring at him. Including the blonde bimbo. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and handed Scott to Ressler. "Donald, can I bother you to watch Scott while I speak to Lizzie for a moment? It won't take long." Ressler nodded as Scott screamed and tried to get away and back to his father.

Red grabbed Liz's arm gently and steered her towards an empty office. Red yelled over his shoulder before they entered the room. "Oh, and try not to slip on any banana peels while you're holding my son." She saw Ressler roll his eyes before Red pulled her inside and shut the door.

"Red, what the-"

Before she could get the rest of her sentence out, he had her pushed against the door with his tongue down her throat before she could even process what he was doing. After a few moments he realized she wasn't kissing him back so he pulled away slightly and nuzzled her jaw while still pinning her to the door. "Mmm, Lizzie. I've missed you."

She felt anger rise up and pushed him back so she could look him in the face. "You bastard. You leave without barely a word, you don't call all week, then you just show up here and expect me to accept you with open arms? I'm not like that blonde bimbo you were just flirting with unashamedly in front of everyone," she said in a low voice so people wouldn't be able to overhear her.

He had the presence of mind to look contrite as he winced and said, "Sweetheart, I apologize. I've had a lot of time to think this week, and I realized how much of a bastard I've been to you for the last month. I always seem to screw up the best things in my life. I guess I'm not meant to be happy."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut up. We're not permanently broken, just a little cracked around the edges. We can still fix this if you're willing."

He took a step forward and put his hands on her waist, then moved his thumbs under the hem of her shirt to caress her soft skin. His eyes were gentle as he smiled. "I'm definitely willing, Lizzie, but you have to understand that I'm not intentionally putting myself in harm's way. It comes with the job. You can't be angry at me for that."

She sighed and ran her hands up and down his forearms. "I know. I guess I just thought it was going to be different this time around. I hate worrying about whether or not you're going to come home. I keep dreaming about you just disappearing without a trace. No phone call. Nothing."

He pulled her close and wrapped her in all-encompassing hug, then kissed the spot in front of her ear and said against the shell. "I will always come home to you if at all possible. You simply can't think about other possibilities or you'll go crazy."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. His familiar scent calmed her nerves as she finally felt at peace for the first time in weeks. He didn't move his mouth from her ear as he continued to speak. "As for what you just observed, that was inexcusable. She means nothing to me, but I still shouldn't have engaged in any kind of flirtation. For that, I truly do apologize." She knew he would never cheat on her. He was a natural flirt, and she'd given up trying to change him a long time ago.

Instead of answering, she ran her hands down his back and stopped at his waist and pulled his lower body flush against hers. She could feel that he was already half-aroused. After a few moments of wandering hands, she pulled back and brought his face down so she could kiss him, but before their lips touched she whispered, "Next time, we talk about our problems instead of running away. We've done that far too often in our relationship." He laughed quietly near her ear and hummed in agreement.

She closed the gap and pressed her lips to his, finally feeling like things were ok. As he pressed her against the door again, she didn't fight it and let him do what he pleased. After a few moments, they had both managed to unbutton each others shirts, and were working on their pants when there was a knock on the door. It was Ressler. "Guys, we need to get moving out here. Hurry it up." They heard Scott agree. "Ya, dadda and momma. No kissy face. Hurry up!" They listened as Ressler walked away laughing and Red leaned his forehead against hers. "I guess we'll have to continue this later." He reluctantly moved his hands from her bra and helped her button her shirt back up, all the while peppering her neck and jaw with little kisses. She was putty under his able hands.

"Red, knock it off. They're going to be able to tell what we've been doing."

He pressed his hips into hers teasingly, then reluctantly pulled away and began to button his own shirt back up. She helped him with his tie, then smoothed his vest down and buckled his belt back up, "accidentally" brushing the front of his trousers occasionally. As soon as they deemed each other presentable, she moved to open the door but he pressed her against the door again and kissed her neck from behind while moving his hands to her ass and squeezing it. "Just remember what you're in for once Scott goes to bed."

She felt her cheeks flush at the thought and nodded against the door. "I can't wait. Its been way too long."

He sighed and kissed her neck once more before allowing her to open the door. They walked down the hallway together with their shoulders and hands brushing occasionally. As soon as Scott saw them, he wriggled out of Ressler's arms and launched himself at his dad's legs. "Dadddddddaaaaa," he sang, his voice muffled by Red's legs.

Red smiled and swung him up in his arms, then put his hand on the small of Liz's back and pushed her towards the door of the interrogation room. "Go work your magic. We'll be here when you're done."

She turned and gave him a small, loving smile before squaring her shoulders and walking into the room to face her next victim. All was right again. Nothing could stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is the actual end. I had so much fun writing this fic. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the support. This fandom truly is the best. *wipes tears away*. I'll be continuing with Plus One soon, so watch out for that. Please let me know what you think! Thank you for reading. *hugs you all*


End file.
